There will always be team members who want to make it into your inner circle, and sometimes a subordinate can be singularly focused on pleasing you and gaining your favor. This kind of courtship usually comes from fear and is often a misguided attempt to protect one’s self image and job status. Unfortunately, while a person obsesses over keeping you happy and tending to nonessential tasks that he hopes will reinforce his relationship with you, he may be neglecting their real work and creating friction with his peers.
Here are four ways you can redirect the attention of employees eager to please you back to their performance:
— AVOID FEEDING THEIR NEED TO PLEASE: Because of your power and their fear, you may have to watch yourself more carefully than you do with other subordinates. I’ve observed relationships in which pleasers were willing to eat, watch (TV and movies) or wear what their boss liked, all in an effort to create a sense of companionship. This kind of sucking up can become dangerous if the boss succumbs to affinity bias and gives the pleaser more attention than it is due.
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— STRUCTURE YOUR INTERACTIONS TO BALANCE SPECIAL ATTENTION WITH OBJECTIVITY: If you have weekly one-on-ones with your direct reports, make sure everyone gets the same amount of time and be sure you’re giving kind and simultaneously rigorous feedback to everyone. Relying on concrete scheduling and project management tools can be especially important if you work in an office where people drop in for ad hoc discussions and one person could easily monopolize your time.
— GUIDE THEM TO DEVELOP THEIR OWN DECISIONS: One senior leader I worked with was so concerned about failing to fulfill the CEO’S expectations that she was sometimes afraid to move forward with her own judgments and proposals. I worked with the CEO to be clearer about project requirements and with the subordinate to give the CEO sets of options that included clearly differentiated assumptions. By gauging his reactions to these differing scenarios, she was able to better understand his thought process. Over time, the subordinate developed more confidence in being able to generate proposals the CEO would accept, and the relationship became less fraught for both of them.
— ASSIGN THEM TO WORK WITH OTHER LEADERS OR PROJECT TEAMS: This will take the pressure off the unhealthy dynamic between you and increase the potential for them to collaborate better with others. Pleasers often put so much energy into observing and interacting with their boss that they exhaust their capacity to deal with others, particularly when they’re stressed or frustrated. By explicitly directing their attention away from you, you’ll learn whether they have the capacity to behave better with their colleagues.
It’s better for everyone when subordinates’ competence and performance earn them recognition and regard, rather than special status with the boss. By adopting these four approaches, you’ll have a much better chance of getting your pleasing subordinate on a more independent path that will serve you and the organization.
