An analogue cabinet and royal visitors

Well, sorry to disappoint you if you’d thought so. You were wrong. The main focus of the cabinet meeting, as we were briefed by Information Minister, Lai Mohammed, was to justify President Muhammadu Buhari’s junketing. Recall that only a few weeks ago, BDSUNDAY, in this column, had written about the President’s endless journeys (titled; Mr. President, Nigeria is everywhere. Therefore, the briefing on the outcome of the FEC was a good platform to possibly react to our constructive criticism of these several trips which many also kick against.

Mohammed and his counterpart from the Environment Ministry spent the entire duration of the briefing regaling the press (who kicked back at a point), and Nigerians by extension, on the need for the President’s shuttle and how the benefits are starting to flood in.

However, on days like this, there is always something to lighten the mood from these meetings which are gradually becoming as scarce as the dollar. There was no letting down.

Normally, before the meeting, which hitherto held weekly, ministers arrive about 30 minutes before the scheduled kick-off time. That time is used as an opportunity to catch up with colleagues and exchange banter (which is what they mostly do) before settling down to review their memos ahead of the President’s arrival. Sometimes, they hang around conversing until they hear the now famous announcement: `Please rise for Mr. President’.

Shortly, before that February 17 cabinet meeting commenced, the Secretary to the Government of the Federation (such a long office description, ok just say the SGF), Babachir Lawal, acting as the new Senior Prefect of the Council (a role efficiently played by former Minister of Communications in the last administration) tapped his microphone to call for order. Yes, order. Believe me, the council chamber can be noisier than a market square until the President steps into the hall and then it goes silent as a graveyard.

The SGFordered the ministers to take their seats and listen to the instructions he was about to dish out. While some were taking their time to stroll to their seats, they got a reminder – Mr. SGF
called them out by their portfolios, almost like school children. In one instance, adding, “Before you go and disgrace yourself”.

It turns out a more sophisticated and techie gadget had been added to the collections in the Council Chamber. It was an attention button. He explains that it could be used to get the President’s permission if you want to speak during meetings. And then, out of nowhere he blotted out “analogue ministers; are you hearing me?”

I must say the SGF has a poor sense of humour and the ministers obviously shared my sentiment too. Mr. SGF probably said that to lighten things up, but the ministers were not laughing. There was nothing to laugh about really, especially when you’ve just been labelled “analogue ministers” in front of the press by the most analogue person in the room. ‘The joke’s on you Mr. SGF’. Yes, that’s what I wished one of the ministers would have said. While they were obviously irritated, too bad, no one dared to speak up. The Presidential Villa played host to both pastoral and royal blessings last week. It was as if it was scheduled that all such visitors who had planned to visit the President and Vice President Yemi Osinbajo should do so within that week or shelve it.

First was the General Overseer of the Redeemed Christian Church of God, or Daddy GO as he’s fondly called by members. Pastor Enoch Adeboye came-calling at the number one office in the country. He is the second cleric to visit President Muhammadu Buhari after Reverend Father Mbaka who afterwards got the short end of the stick from his superiors for openly showing partisanship.

No one believed Adeboye would be at the Villa in person, especially when his ‘son’- Osinbajo, walked alongside protocol officers to the President’s office. It became obvious as the Vice President’s convoy drove in through the ceremonial gate with Daddy GO. President Goodluck Jonathan intermittently attended his prayer meetings in Lagos.

The duo met with the President in his office. May be, the clergyman was at the Villa to pray for the President (which is not out of place) for a miraculous end to our current economic quagmire- who knows?. Daddy GO declined to speak to journalists already standing by to possibly interview him as he left the President’s office. But he only waved his hands and said “God bless you”.
Then came the newly crowned Ooni of Ife, who, two days later was appointed the Chancellor of the University of Nigeria, Nsukka (UNN).

The 40-year-old monarch graced the Villa same day as ‘Daddy GO’. The vibrant and dynamic traditional leader was a refreshing look from the image of an old man we are used to while picturing our traditional fathers.

His entourage consisted mostly of young men too. His cap and staff, which resembled a finger, were made from the same tiny shiny material, diamonds maybe? I watched keenly as his personal aide, held the staff and asked the official from the Vice President’s office who was to lead them, to step down while he positioned the Ooni’s staff.

After it was placed safely in-between the two of them, they were set to go.
My mind quickly dashed back to the episode that played out during the Presidential election campaigns, when former President Jonathan visited the Ooni’s palace and was prayed for by the Obas’, only that this time it was with the butt of their staff. Many at the time had said this spelt doom for the former President who thought he had gained their support. Still in the course of the week, another group of traditional rulers and leaders from Remo-land, Ogun State, came calling.

This time, only to see the Vice President. I must not fail to mention that the Chairman of the All Progressives Congress (APC) also visited -right after the mass sack of heads of government agencies. Besides saying it was time for the President to weed out saboteurs from the system, he had said the APC were not concerned about positions.

These visits seemed a time for whispering reminders of slots for those who worked for the President’s election bid. We may in the course of the next few weeks see more groups or leaders coming to pay a courtesy call on the President, just to whisper a reminder.

But on the lighter side of change, champagne and all other forms of alcohol have totally disappeared from events at the Presidential Villa. Before now, at events like dinners and the likes, classical bottles of champagne and wines graced the table. Having followed the missing link for a while and I have finally confirmed at least from the latest cocktail for the diplomatic corps that alcohol at the Presidential Villa has gone for good. Save us more cash and scarce Foreign Exchange- leading by example!

Wait! Just before you start thinking of boycotting your next invite to a presidential event, they still serve other exotic non-alcoholic drinks.

Before I take a bow, I want to wish the President’s wife Aisha Buhari, a happy birthday. May your days be sweet as the economy opens up and the challenge of insurgency rescinds. May your husband live long to fix Nigeria and keep you happy. Long Live the first wife (as we cannot
use first lady)!