Let me start by apologising for bringing the second part of this column a week late. Life happened. But for all my readers who were expecting, we spoke largely about things that you look out for as you prepare for a life partner or even how to keep a relationship or marriage oiled.
So let’s add some more things:
Faith:
We tend to think this does not matter, but it does. Children have joined cults for lack of something to believe in or belong to. If you marry a man or woman who is just there and does not believe in a higher being, he or she may be narcissistic or have a hidden hurt bound to explode once you both settle in. Don’t marry someone with whom you don’t share faith values. Believe in something together. Don’t marry, and then you both wake up and go your different faith ways. The children would be confused, scatter, and grow up believing in nothing.
Finances:
So, have you discussed this? Why not? The man is supposed to bring the bacon, but the woman must earn her own bacon and, from time to time, support the man. Also, a man who does nothing has no finances to discuss. Do you agree to build a house, save towards a holiday jointly, save separately, or save together? Discuss it. Marry no one whose financial stability is suspect. You can marry a man who has prospects, but don’t marry a laggard. And please don’t marry a woman who is not resourceful.
What school do the children go to? Can you afford it, or are you pushing each other so you can be like the neighbours?
Hobbies:
You can have things you do that you both enjoy, but each person must have something they enjoy separately, which the other partner can support by coming along even if they don’t quite enjoy it. In fact, they can be convinced to go further to enjoy it.
Children:
How many? In what space? Does he not want children? Has she had a child before? Failure to ask and answer these questions can lead to disaster tomorrow. Bringing children into the world is a shared assignment.
Character:
The building blocks of any marriage. Why are you still trying to marry her if she lies and if he is deceitful? Time to run. Character is everything. Not money, not fine.
Swot analysis:
What are your partner’s strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, and threats? Check them out. If they are not adding up, Hmmm
Marriage is an exam. Check everything, lest you be stuck with the devil himself. God forbid. Prepare. It’s a journey!
I am always in awe of married couples. I often wonder how X married A, and they do not even look compatible. But there would always be a spark, an inner story you could not see. It’s that inner story you must ensure is there and sustainable for a long-haul marriage. Remember, you would occasionally fall in love. We get angry, and we get upset. The beauty is when we miss them so much and can’t wait to tell them lots of stories, no matter how angry we are. Let us keep our eyes open, make the right choice, and stay happy. Your partner should be your friend and confidant.
Don’t be pressured into marrying the wrong person. If he or she is your friend, then the job is half done. If something stands dancing in your heart when she walks into the room and she is deeply caring, Great! If he removes his shirt to fight because someone abused you and he knows that he would be beaten black and blue, he still hates it. Even! If he works hard, if he encourages you, If she supports you, is good to you, and worries about you, Then there is something.
We will discuss that next week.
Stay well!
