• Sunday, June 16, 2024
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The marriage radar (Part 1)

The marriage radar (Part 1)

Today, I wish to run away from all the difficult stories that are all around us. A child was alleged to have been electrocuted in a school; the sheer thought horrified me, as did more kidnappings and other such terrible news around the country.

I want to go to our societies and see how families are being calibrated since, as we know, families are the smallest social unit in society. How is this small unit formed in today’s society? In a two-part series, I would try to get around how marriages are formed and how children become part of that formation, as well as the importance of socialisation.

When I got married, I was fairly young, but I worked hard to understand the assignment. I mean, you learn a lot of things as you go along. No one really gets a manual, but we learn from our parents and our forebears.

So what do you really need to do to start a family that is wholesome?

1) Be intentional:

In planning to settle down in life, you must plan your life from the get-go. If you hang around clubs, you will attract the wrong woman or the wrong man. If you marry a club animal, it’s going to be hard for that person to settle down.

2) Do a proper background search:

These days, people fall in love and get married before discovering the background of the man or woman. In fact, some people marry in the cities and do not know their spouse’s relatives or homestead. These searches do not have to be carried out by the bride or groom. But they should allow their families, parents, uncles, or aunts to carry out this search and not resist it. More often than not, there are matters in the other family that need interrogation before the next steps are taken.


What type of person is your partner? Are they kind? Are they rude? Are they charitable? Would they start a fire in the neighbourhood? Are they chronic debtors? Are they unfriendly?


Is your partner respectful? Of your family? Of your parents? Do they respect you, or are they very disrespectful of your views and opinions? Are they condescending? Do they erode your self-esteem? If they exhibit disrespectful behaviour towards you when you are courting, the disrespectful attitude will be three times its size when you get married.

We will return to these in the next edition of this column. Meanwhile, take these on board as food for thought. If you are currently in a relationship, you want to take it further.

We conclude next week.