The weight of the world often feels crushing. Today it’s the harrowing news of a child allegedly losing their life to electrocution within the supposed sanctuary of a school that has cast a sombre shadow. The innocence of childhood, a time meant for learning and laughter, is brutally shattered by such tragedies. Coupled with the incessant reports of kidnappings and other horrors plaguing our nation, it becomes increasingly difficult to escape the suffocating grip of despair.
I want to go to our societies and see how families are being calibrated since, as we know, families are the smallest social unit in society. How is this small unit formed in today’s society? In a two-part series, I would try to get around how marriages are formed and how children become part of that formation, as well as the importance of socialisation.
When I got married, I was fairly young, but I worked hard to understand the assignment. I mean, you learn a lot of things as you go along. No one really gets a manual, but we learn from our parents and our forebears.
So what do you really need to do to start a family that is wholesome?
1) Be intentional:
In planning to settle down in life, you must plan your life from the get-go. If you hang around clubs, you will attract the wrong woman or the wrong man. If you marry a club animal, it’s going to be hard for that person to settle down.
2) Do a proper background search:
These days, people fall in love and get married before discovering the background of the man or woman. In fact, some people marry in the cities and do not know their spouse’s relatives or homestead. These searches do not have to be carried out by the bride or groom. But they should allow their families, parents, uncles, or aunts to carry out this search and not resist it. More often than not, there are matters in the other family that need interrogation before the next steps are taken.
Read also: Let’s talk about family!
Temperament:
My partner is a complex individual, a tapestry woven with threads of both light and shadow. They possess an undeniable kindness, a warmth that seeps into your soul like sunlight through a window. Their laughter is like music, a melody that can brighten even the cloudiest of days. Yet, beneath this gentle exterior lies a core of steel, a determination that can be both inspiring and intimidating.
They have a sharp wit, and their humour, while often cutting, is undeniably clever. However, this same sharpness can sometimes manifest as a biting sarcasm that can leave you reeling. Their loyalty is unwavering, a steadfast anchor in the stormy seas of life. But this loyalty is fiercely guarded, and to betray their trust is to invite a tempest of wrath.
They are fiercely independent, a solitary spirit who thrives on challenges. Yet, paradoxically, they crave deep connection, a yearning for intimacy that can leave them feeling both vulnerable and exposed. Their generosity is boundless, a heart overflowing with empathy for those less fortunate. But this generosity can sometimes border on recklessness, a tendency to give without considering the consequences.
Ultimately, my partner is an enigma, a puzzle I am constantly trying to piece together. They are capable of both extraordinary kindness and inexplicable cruelty, of selfless devotion and selfish indifference. And yet, despite their contradictions, I am irrevocably drawn to them, captivated by the mystery that lies within.
Respect:
Respect is the cornerstone of any enduring relationship. When someone consistently disregards your feelings, opinions, or those of your family, it’s a glaring red flag. The subtle jabs, condescending remarks, and outright disrespect that may seem tolerable now can escalate into a tempestuous storm within the confines of marriage. It’s crucial to recognise that the seeds of a healthy, respectful partnership are sown during courtship. If your partner is already exhibiting these negative behaviours, imagine how these traits might magnify when life’s inevitable challenges arise. Your self-worth and happiness are too precious to compromise.
