I watched with incredulity last week as a woman struggled with three children in church. The first was seven, the next five years old and the last one about a year and a half. One wanted to go and pee, another wanted a drink and the last one wanted to sleep. You know how it is. The woman juggled all children and by the end of Mass her gele had shifted, her eye shadow smudged and her under eye pencil smudged. I felt sorry for her. She looked like she had been run over by a truck.
I was two pews away from her. In addition to all of this, her toddler had an impossible scream that set the entire church on edge when he did not get what he wanted. It was a cross between a cat’s yelp and a screech. You know the type. In her embarrassment, mummy would place her palms over his mouth to no avail. He would yelp harder and struggle to be free while mummy’s blouse was riding. If it was not so heartrending, it would have been hilarious. I doubt that she heard the day’s message in church. Between these three, she simply existed.
What I did not tell you is that she was in church with her husband. Yes!! There was a man involved in making this threesome and he went through the Mass as if he had nothing to do with it. The only time he showed any sign wa to shush young Mr Yelp whose screams afterwards brought a church warden to escort mother and baby out of church. Mr Husband stood there like a piece of wood, non- plus and left mummy to her devices. In addition, many men often leave the hands on upbringing and worrying about the children to the woman in addition to many of her other burdens. Really, what would it have taken Mr Husband to give a hand to his wife?
As a man, you will be most unhappy when they are grown and they go to their mother’s room chit chatting and leave miserable you alone with your thoughts in the front porch
By the end of church, I did not want to see Mr Husband who strolled casually out of church head held high as if he did not know these children or their mother. But the seven year old disgraced him when she ran towards him, “daddy” on her pretty lips. Daddy could not run away. With a forced smile, he let himself be hugged. It was not a funny sight. For the sake of embarrassment and swag, this guy did not lift a finger to help her.
But this is the story of many men who do not help with homework or schoolwork and turn around to blame his wife who had slaved through the school year if the child did not do well in school.
What about the one that does not do diapers, cannot help his wife cook from time to time for example when she is pregnant, sick or even busy.
It is imperative that men step up to the plate and give their spouses and partners or girlfriends some help where it is needed.
The children after all are a joint legacy. As a man, you will be most unhappy when they are grown and they go to their mother’s room chit chatting and leave miserable you alone with your thoughts in the front porch.
Remember also when there is a travel in the family. When it’s the man, his wife helps him to pack. Don’t forget your socks, shaving stick, your nice kaftan. The man smiles like a Cheshire cat throughout the journey. Clean shirt, nice tie, everything tip top. Please reverse the role. The woman packs alone. The man watches or distracts her. Oh I am hungry he will say. I am too tired, could you run up and pick junior from school. I am too tired. All sorts of distractions. The woman half packs and when it is time for Lunch, she has to stop and do the needful.
This time the man does not raise a finger. She is your wife, help her with clean clothes, take the box down. Make sure she did not forget her rosary, padlock for the box and her slippers. Please help her some for in the end the woman remembers how you helped with raising the children, changing diapers, helping with school run and the odd Jollof rice. A woman remember those things you did to ease her burden and she also tucks it away somewhere in her memory when you watch her juggle three children in church while you acted like you don’t know junior.
There is an all cast African American movie whose name I forget, where the man nasty with a capital N to his wife and eventually suffers a stroke. My favourite part of the movie is when she dunks him in a bath suit and on for a wash. She then watches him recover, falls in love and marries another. Shame on you if you do not lift a finger to help your wife, partner or girlfriend.
Happy Fathers day to all Fathers doing great and those who are not doing so great. May the universe teach you that women are not beasts of burden. Please help her some. In the end, it’s a win win situation for the family.
