I was twelve years old when my father, the respected Educationist and Public servant, Alfred Amodu told his children, not to try and be like the Joneses. As he stated at the time. “You all be the Jones, let your friends and classmates pick up your own values.” It was an eye opening statement but one that stayed with me for life.
The English parlance” trying to be like the joneses” is for the initiated, pretty much self-explanatory. When you want to be like other people, follow trends and be like your friends even when you do not understand what they do, when you are trying too hard to keep up and fit in. That is being like the Joneses.
It has always been my mantra to stay true to myself when I see other people doing new things that is not up my street. At some point, it was so posh for ladies to smoke but my mum being a medical personnel had drilled it in our heads that you compromise your lungs and die young if you smoke. My mum will advise me to be brave enough of my acquaintances who smoked, to stop because it was not good for them. That was being a Jones.
It was all I could do to explain to some persons that I did not do cleavage or show flesh and I went a step further to explain to them and younger girls who I mentor that you do not gain much by exposing yourself because it detracted from your brilliance and suggested something else.
A couple of months before the Coronavirus brouhaha, I had read in the papers how a man found out that his fourteen-year-old daughter was a Marlian. You know the musician, Naira Marley and his cult following of young and impressionable persons who live by his words and his lewd and less than wholesome lyrics. So, as I was saying, this man’s daughter was sent home because she was considered a Marlian. Her father went to school to ask and the school Principal asked him what she had told him. Raving and ranting, he told the school he had brought up his daughter well and now she was being accused of being a cult member at fourteen just because she liked a certain musician.
To his utter shock, the Principal told him that they had been investigating the school population and found out that female Marlians did not wear underpants and that was part of the rules for becoming a member. He was told that his daughter had kept her underpants in her bag and worn none for days as part of her membership vows. This poor man had never even heard of Naira Marley. Shamefaced, he went home and confronted his daughter who had brought shame upon the family.
Peer pressure is a big deal in teenage years and even among adults and unfortunately, the pull is very strong in this age of too many images and brands and videos and on-line content as well as traditional content pulling young persons in different diverse directions.
When you want to be like other people, follow trends and be like your friends even when you do not understand what they do, when you are trying too hard to keep up and fit in. That is being like the Joneses.
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But my father’s advice those many years ago has ensured that I keep my head straight and be my own person. This is what I advise many young persons and adults too to do. The fact that Lagbaja’s children are in one school whose fees are astronomical does not mean you should now try to defraud your bank, your client or your friend in order to be like the Jones’s. Live within your means. A lot of people go into debt to show off. They want the neighbours to know they can go to Dubai with the whole family for holiday and post pictures to show that they were actually there. In reality, they have wiped out their savings and are borrowing money for upkeep and paying school fees.
I have always wondered why your matter should concern another person. If it is Yankari you can go for holiday, so be it. But the internet age is putting pressure on a lot of persons to try to be persons other than themselves, which is sad. If you ask psychiatrists, they will tell you that there is an increasing number of people with delusions of grandeur, anxiety, narcissism and depression because they are all trying to meet people’s perception.
So for those of you trying to be like the Joneses here are a few thoughts for you;
a) If you fly economy, will you die? Why do you have the need to borrow money so you can show everyone you can fly first class or business class when in fact you are owing two banks and your house is about to be foreclosed. I am a great traveller and twice I met a former minister and a recently retired Chief executive flying economy. Each told me they were watching their finances. And as my mum would say, the plane still arrives at the same time whatever class you fly. Thing is I love business class and first class is a blast but I would not borrow money to fly in those classes if I cannot afford it.
b) Guess what? Some of the richest people in the world hardly wear designer clothes. Some wear T-shirts of the same colour and others wear the simplest fabrics for their tailoring. Perhaps their money may be noticed in their watches or their shoes. So talk to me about that clutch bag you bought for the price of a three-bedroom flat? I mean I love it but I doubt that it makes you taller, if everyone knows you are owing Mama Risi for the damn bag.
But seriously, I love the beautiful things of life. I would carry them, wear them, and adorn them but I certainly will not break a bank to own them. The lesson of “Be the Jones” is to be authentic and not constantly look over your shoulder so you can belong. You are enough, just be the best that you can be, not left overs of another person. Enough said!
