The Iraqi historical figure often known as “Comical Ali” was not in fact, a clown. Mohammed Saeed al-Sahhaf was an experienced diplomat and a high-ranking member of Saddam Hussein’s government who had survived the mosh pit that was Iraqi palace politics for over 2 decades. To survive that long inside such a viper’s nest would require a lot more than the simple bloviating confidence and fanatic loyalty that the world knew him for. It took strategy. It took intelligence. It took patience.
Above all, it took fear. Fear was such an integral part of how Saddam Hussein maintained his grip on power that it motivated how those around him responded even to objectively bigger threats than Saddam – such as the US military, for instance. During the 2003 invasion, al-Sahhaf earned the “Comical Ali” nickname by making regular TV appearances as Iraq’s Information Minister, assuring Iraqis of their impending devastating victory over the “infidels.” Never mind that the averagely developed and moderately informed 7 year-old mind could have told you that pitting the US military against the Iraqi military was like pitting Brazil’s national football team against that of the Solomon Islands – Iraq would triumph!
Iraq did not triumph unsurprisingly, and “Comical Ali” now reportedly lives with his tail between his legs somewhere in the UAE. Even now, a decade after the fall of Saddam, Comical Ali refuses to come out into the sun and face the world. Saddam’s use of fear was so successful and so penetrating that not even his death has been enough to end the myth he created in the minds of his closest associates. Iraq is now facing a similar existential problem to that of Libya – a country so traumatised by the spectre of its late totalitarian dictator that it has no concept of itself without the dictator. If Nigeria is not careful, something similar could happen after 61 years and 13 heads of state.
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End SARS terrified the oligarchs
While young Nigerians were on the streets a year ago, protesting against torture, rape, kidnapping and murder at the hands of uniformed criminals who are generously considered to be law enforcement personnel of some sort, something weird was happening in Abuja. The group of people who consider themselves to be God’s own designates to rule and dominate Nigeria were quaking in their boots. To us on the streets, it was a simple protest called #EndSARS, and its goals were very clear and succinct – disband this criminal armed gang and prevent such activities from happening again.
To this group however, it was something else entirely. A thin old man who shall not be named gave away what they were thinking when he appeared on TV a few months after the protest ended. Making an unscripted reference to #EndSARS, he said something to the effect of, “When these young people were marching and they wanted to remove me.” To the self-anointed overlords, this simple protest represented much more than just a set of demands by a fed-up youth populace. It represented chaos; disorder; an unthinkable inversion of the established order.
Whereas the country they imagine they ruled was one of meek serfs and genuflecting subalterns who should be happy with whatever benevolent considerations their maximum rulers might give them, here were hundreds of thousands of young Nigerians showing up without their permission to make unapologetic demands, and do so “disrespectfully.” Who on earth did these loudmouth upstarts think they were, going live on air and chanting “Buhari has been a bad boy?” Did they realise that they were not playing the role that the benevolent oligarchs had set for them? What even did they mean by “End SARS?” The government should do what they wanted? What did they think this was, a democracy or something?
To them, it was not merely a protest movement, but a full-scale rebellion against the Nigerian establishment. Once SARS was “ended,” what would be left to end except they themselves?
I have it on very good authority that several members of the national assembly, some state governors and at least one prominent resident of Bourdillon Avenue in Ikoyi, Lagos, had carried out the proverbial “jakpa,” quietly leaving the country aboard private jets and charter flights. To them, it was not merely a protest movement, but a full-scale rebellion against the Nigerian establishment. Once SARS was “ended,” what would be left to end except they themselves?
Dear Nigerian, oppress the government or be oppressed
The point of commonality between Saddam Hussein’s brutal reign and that of He That Shall Not Be Named is the rampant and insidious use of fear as a tool of control. Everyone was scared of Saddam. Let me rephrase that – everyone was terrified of Saddam. You spent far too much time worrying about not accidentally getting on his bad side, to even seriously countenance the thought of asking for more than whatever you were given, or even – God forbid – regime change. Fear substituted for political discourse for all of Iraq’s three decades under its sadistic dictator.
Now, where He Who Has Still Not Been Named is unlikely to reach Saddam levels of dictatorship over the next 2 years is that to put it politely, we are simply not scared of him. Not scared enough, to be more accurate. Sure, he has a predilection for setting the military on unarmed civilians and massacring them in quantities not seen since the worst days of the military regimes that once terrorised Nigeria. Sure, he uses the DSS as his personal regime security Hisbah police and tosses people into prison for making jokes about assassinating him on Twitter. Sure, he tries his hardest to give off the ‘hard guy’ vibe, but at the end of the day, all we see is just a frail old man whose best days are long behind him, whether he knows it yet or not.
As Nigeria blunders its way into its 61st calendar year as a flag-independent nation state, and its 23rd consecutive year as a democracy of sorts (I mean we hold elections every 4 years so that has to count for something), we should never forget that fear is not in itself a useful entity. It paralyses and discourages and demoralises us until we turn into either anonymous nobodies to be stepped on, or caricatures like Comical Ali, doing the Lai Mohammed clown routine many years before Lai Mohammed himself discovered his talent as a clown.
If we give in to fear, there is a literal Saddam Hussein, complete with the Uday Hussein and Qsay Hussein sibling tribute act waiting in the wings. And what he lacks in vertical presence, he more than makes up for in malevolence.
If he happens, then good luck to all of us, I guess.
