Narcissism is a psychological term. People who have never participated in a psychological class know it when they see it. The word narcissism is from Greek mythology of a handsome young man who set out looking for love. He rejects every advance of love, even from the beautiful nymph Echo. He kept looking for love and a perfect mate until he saw a reflection of himself in the water and fell in love with his image. Every day he gazes at his reflection in the water until he died. This tragic myth reflects the quest for self-admiration in our world today. His beauty so consumed narcissus, and he was unable to connect with anyone outside of himself. Eventually, he harmed everyone around him, including those who loved him.
Some researchers say the word narcissism is one of the fastest-rising searches on Google. Many messages, statements, books, and articles on the topic routinely go viral. Dr. Craig Malkin, a Harvard Medical School psychologist, opines that it can be a great thing, in small doses. He argues that narcissism is a spectrum of self-importance that everyone takes their place on, from complete selflessness to pure arrogance.
To understand this strange personality, a class in narcissism 101 would be helpful.
Narcissism is a set of personality traits characterised by an oversized sense of self-importance and lack of empathy, along with a great need for attention and, in the most extreme cases, ironically fragile self-esteem ruins careers and relationships. Extreme narcissists can be know-it-alls. They may bully, blame, and humiliate others, refusing to take responsibility for their own mistakes. They can be vindictive. “Extreme Narcissists always need to prove that they are ‘winners’ compared to other people they view as losers,” explains Joseph Burgo.
Read also: Resilience: Forging ahead – ending decadence and inept leadership (3)
Narcissus leaders are in danger of disappearing into themselves forever.
Narcissism is more than a stubborn character flaw or a severe mental illness or a rapidly spreading cultural disease. It makes no more sense to assume it is a problem than it would if we were speaking of heart rate, body temperature, or blood pressure. Because what it is, is a normal, pervasive human tendency; the drive to feel special. It is the least scary of the disorder types, as it is often confused with other social behaviours.
We are in a world of the self-esteem movement, where we struggle for significance and self-worth. We overdose on self-admiration, and as a result, the self-esteem movement gained a powerful foothold in our minds and culture. We are told to stop thinking so much about other people’s opinions or expectations. They say you need to discover who you are. Be yourself. Learn to love yourself. Build up your self-esteem. As much as this may be true, but if it is without a balance, then you have been scammed. You can be better than your current self.
The American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, identifies a person with a narcissism disorder as having the following traits:
1. Grandiosity with expectations of superior treatment from other people
2. Fixation on fantasies of power, success, intelligence, attractiveness, etc.
3. Self-perception of being unique, superior, and associated with high-status people and institutions
4. Need for continual admiration from others
5. Sense of entitlement to special treatment and obedience from others
6. The exploitation of others to achieve personal gain
7. Unwillingness to empathise with the feelings, wishes, and needs of other people
8. Intense envy of others, and the belief that others are equally envious of them
9. Pompous and arrogant demeanour
10. Asking for favours without reciprocity
There are degrees of narcissism that are still quite destructive to be around. Even if a person who seems to be narcissistic does not have an official diagnosis of a personality disorder, any time we feel manipulated or insecure around someone we know, we may soon question why we think that way. Not everyone with narcissistic qualities is diagnosed with a narcissistic personality disorder. There is no substitution for advice from a health professional. However, it can be helpful to recognise the toxic aspects of our relationships.
Narcissists are quite nasty at regulating what they feel and are prone to have tantrums. When disappointed for not getting what they want or what they thought they deserved, they become aggressive, lash out, ignore or ghost you, or react in some inappropriate and emotionally immature way. Similarly, if you criticise them, they might fly off the handle and belittle you, or suggest they are more expert, capable, and ultimately superior. They all support their claim that you have no right to criticise them rather than genuinely processing their emotions.
Often with narcissism, there is a perception that their traits are going to be easy to identify. However, it usually can be months or years before you see someone’s true colours. They would not entice you into a relationship by presenting themselves as a manipulative monster. Arm yourself with all the information possible and pay attention to how someone behaves. Our intuition usually tells us precisely what we need to know. We must pay attention and listen to it.
Only a narcissist would claim to grasp narcissism fully. Armchair psychologists attach the term to friends, relatives, and maybe some leaders and managers. But there are many shades. “People have differing degrees of narcissism from high to low,” says Eunike Wetzel, a psychology professor.
People can also have varying levels of each of narcissism’s three main facets, with effects ranging from good too bad to ugly. The three main facets are:
Leadership: Extraversion, high self-esteem, a strong persistence toward goals, and a desire to lead. By itself, this can be a very healthy trait, particularly in work and social situations.
Vanity: Taking excessive pride in one’s appearance and achievements, wanting to be the centre of attention, and harbouring grandiose fantasies of success.
Entitlement: This relates to toxicity in interpersonal relationships. There is a tendency to disagree a lot and devalue others, use them as pawns for personal gain, feel above everyone else, and an extreme need for admiration and affirmation. At its worst, this is the ugliest facet of narcissism.
Do look out for part two of this article.
However, you can take the Narcissistic Personality Quiz to gauge your narcissistic traits. https://psychcentral.com/quizzes/narcissistic-personality-quiz/
Sobande is a Lawyer and Leadership Consultant. He is a Doctoral Candidate at Regent University, Virginia Beach, USA, for a Ph.D. in Strategic Leadership. He can be contacted by Email: [email protected]
