There is so much happening in the world, and there seems to be a deliberate attack on the marriage institution. There are too many ladies being deceived by horrible young men, and there are too many young men also being deceived by dastardly women. So the person going into it without giving marriage a deep thought would end up like some of the challenged marriages we see today and the other side of the aisle… as divorce rates are rising. So, let’s look at the ingredients. And by the way, no marriage is perfect, just in case you think there is.
1) Mutual respect: This is such a critical factor in starting and sustaining a relationship that would lead you both down the marriage path. Sometimes, one partner tolerates the other ones’ idiocy. E.g, he calls you silly names in front of his friends, or she yells at you in public places. No, no, no. It escalates once you are married, and tolerance levels begin to drop.
2) Honesty: One of the most important qualities required for preparing for a long haul relationship. Most marriages that have fallen apart are often because one person kept some information from their partner, and it came back to haunt them when the other person finds out.
And by the way, no marriage is perfect, just in case you think there is.
3) Kindness: This is one quality that most marriages lack. How does your intended partner speak to you? Do they show empathy? Share your vision and encourage you. Do they share your challenges, troubles, and excitement, or do they think only of themselves? Which brings us to the next quality.
4) Selflessness: How much of your interests do they have? If they hate everything you love, why are you in this relationship?
5) History: We are often too excited to check backgrounds, history, etcetera. What is in their past? What have they done in their past? Who did they go out with before? What do they like? This is something parents did for their children in the past. These days, dating couples tell parents it’s not necessary. And yet it’s so important.
6) Medical History: What is your fiancées medical history? His family tree. Anything to be concerned about?
7) Family burden: So check it out! You know that Aunty in law, sister in law or brother in law who from the get-go doesn’t like you. In a family collection of 20, there would always be one or two. But when there are 16 out of 20, please, my friend, run for your life. They never change even if you give them your head.
8) Faith: Those who do not believe in a higher being would never believe in you. Also, they would hurt you with no fear. Let there be faith that can be watered.
9) The Table: What do they bring to the table, man or woman? A laggard of a man would kill you, a lazy woman would do nothing to make your home gorgeous, or even make your children a better version of themselves. Watch out!
10) Parenting: Keep your eye on the ball. How do they treat other people’s children?
11) Patience: Marriage rests on this quality. It has to be there, and before you take your vows, please check it. It can become nasty and lead to violence.
There is no marriage without its fair share of thorns. But we must marry our friends who can make us laugh and hold our hands on days of downside and celebrate with us when we are doing well. They must be our cheerleaders.
Look before you leap in 2024.