• Sunday, December 03, 2023
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Lightening the mood: Laughter is still the best medicine (2)

Lightening the mood: Laughter is still the best medicine (2)

I continue with last week’s intervention by berthing in the political arena. Alhaji Shetima, the APC VP candidate attended the NBA conference and made a loud fashion statement, which resulted in the ‘Shetima challenge’ by people like the grandfather who calls himself Charley Boy.

Few weeks ago, a 4th degree ancestor, ‘Eze-Anaku’ complained of hunger in the land of the dead and consequently he decided to be OBIdient. However, a one-million-masquerade march was organised for Tinubu. And I ask: Can the ancestors vote? If INEC cannot accommodate those in the physical diaspora, how can it accommodate those in the spiritual realms? The children have also become involved, praying that Obi wins so that Indomie would be cheaper, and pleading with the grandpas to allow a generational shift!

But Atiku scored a political hattrick when a man with four wives and 34 children offered him block-vote in 2023. He should however evaluate the offer properly because 41 percent of the crowd are minors and thus, cannot vote.

It is OK that Atiku has pursued Wike ‘everywhere he goes.’ However, I fainted when I learnt that the Roval Suite at The Carlton Towers, the venue for their last haggling engagement, goes for N3 million per night. N3 million? Almost my salary for the year! The APC Bishop chicanery is still trending.

Apart from one of them, a plumber, being mobbed at Abuja the other day, we now have some Obedient Bishops (at Rome of all places), who are being compared with their agbado ‘counterparts.’ And then, Uzodinma, the author and finisher of Hopism, has declared authoritatively that ‘the APC has done so well that they can win all the states in 2023. For your information, the core philosophy of ‘hopism’ is ‘Quantum Leaps: from 4th to 1st’ !

These were happening as a traffic offender had the audacity to arrest a police officer who had wanted to apprehend him! The hunter had become the hunted

Meanwhile, Dino Melaye has just gone Biblical, saying that he ‘finished’ PDP in the past because ‘I was blind but now I can see (John 9:25).

I now turn to my good friends, the Pastors. There is this unknown pastor who proposed to a widow (and she accepted), while the late husband’s corpse was lying in state. Yet the police did not arrest them for questioning over the man’s death!

Meanwhile, the Mountain of Fire and Miracles (you need to go through the fire before claiming your miracle) has just disowned an Okija-based pastor over the ‘alien practice’ of running a deliverance centre in a private apartment, while in Ekiti State, a traditional pastor (herbalist in ancient language), Nurideen Ibrahim, has just been arrested for raping and duping a woman of N10 million in the process of organising spiritual cleansing to boost her business. How can spiritual cleansing boost a business and yield more money, the root of all evils (serving God and Mammon)?

As for the rape, me think it was a transaction between willing buyer and willing seller! The pastor did not deny the allegation but said it was only N8 million. The investigators should also monetised the other-room experience so as to arrive at the accurate amount involved. It is these kinds of stories that led Mugabe to reveal from the grave that the number of Prophets in Nigeria has outnumbered the number of prophets in the old and new testaments. Yet, there are pastors and there are pastors.

I congratulate the Bishop of Ekwulobia Diocese, His Eminence Peter Ebere Cardinal Okpaleke, who received this Cardinals’ Red Cap in Rome on 27/8/22. He is the real rejected stone! I would have been there live but due to my commitment to duties, I stayed back because I thought the Federal Government would do something for us to resume on 29/8/22. But they don fall my hand!

Failure is an orphan and that was why our Falconets, who defeated all the teams in Group C but lost to Canada in Q-Finals, had to sleep on the chairs and the floor at Istanbul Airport, when they had a 24-hour layover. If they had won, a contingent of 1001 would have gone in the Presidential Jet to witness the crowning moment.

The husband of US speaker, Paul Pelosi, was jailed by Joseph Solga, the Napa County Superior Judge, for drunk-driving (23/8/22). In Nigeria, the police will deal with the traffic officers or other police officials who dared to intervene. Although, I laughed when they said it was a 3-day jail term! Just 3 days? But he is an ex-convict! That is the sanctity of Rule of Law for you.

The other day, the police authorities suspended two supernumerary police officers, Emanuella and Blessing Obaze, who were showing off their shapes in a tik-tok video. In New Jersey, however, parents are demanding that a school sack an Arts teacher for being too sexy and curvy and thus distracting the pupils. Why should those little brats be watching the lady’s body-hugging dress et al? Anyway, She is luckier because their law makes it illegal to sack workers for their physical appearances. These were happening as a traffic offender had the audacity to arrest a police officer who had wanted to apprehend him! The hunter had become the hunted.

Read also: Lightening the mood: Laughter is still the best medicine

Meanwhile, a 33-year-old lady had gone gleefully announced that she had manufactured 7 children for 7 men from 7 countries and sets for herself the goal of rounding it off by having 3 more children for 3 more men from 3 more countries. What a goal?

As that was going on, Melisa Raouf, a Miss England finalist, has created the record of being the first person to compete without make-up. I think she is green and organic and any man who goes for her will be sure of the ‘product.’

Furthermore, a man being manhandled by his in-laws has received a wonder-full advice. Any time he quarrelled with his wife, his in-laws would come from Epe to Ikorodu, beat him up and collect their two-way transport fares from him. A practical marriage counsellor has advised him to relocate to Epe so as to at least, save the transport costs!

In a case that will be of concern to psychologists and mental health expert for a long while, Paul Turovsky, who married on 15/7/22, left his wife in their honey-moon hotel room in Tampa, Florida, and went for a quicky with a prostitute, only to be arrested by policemen who had arranged a sting operation to crack down on sex trafficking. There will be no prize for guessing what happened to him and the marriage thereafter.

Furthermore, Maye Musk, the 74-year-old model and mother of the world’s richest man, Elon Musk has revealed that she usually slept in the garage whenever she visited his son. Elon confirmed the story while the mother was busy making excuses for him. The reason? He is doing away with all his earthly possessions, ‘which just weigh you down,’ so as to relocate to Mars. Trovsky and Elon’s stories have affirmed my belief that these white-men think and act in strange ways.

Finally, an Italian has just won a gold medal, which nobody else would wish for. He became the first and only person in the whole world to concurrently test positive for HIV, Covid-19 and Monkeypox. What a world!

While thinking what to do to and with him, the WHO has just announced that people who cannot get sexual partners are henceforth classified as disadvantaged… just like the hungry and homeless! I rest my case