In my last intervention, I explained the outcomes of my feasibility and viability studies in the pastoring and masquerading industries. I lost interest in pastoring and the masquerading will not give me enough cash to hammer. My attention was next drawn to real estate.
It is not the conventional real estate business of building, selling, renting, or developing estates. I have discovered some vintage, houses whose models and structures are no longer in circulation.
Some are one-room duplexes, some have natural swimming pools, some are situated within dangerous forests while some have ladders as their stairs… just wait until you see them!
These unique and at times weird houses would be sold in the auction market to Dollar-surplus white men, who would re-auction or exercise some patience, hoping that UNESCO would recognize and register the structures as heritage sites.
In such a way, after I might have hammered, they will also hammer, though at a later date. I will do the business through Vintage Homes Unlimited! But this will take time and I want to hammer now-now!
But ultimately, I will join SARS. This is not the SARS you know; it is another SARS of which Tunde Bakare is the author and finisher, it is the State Aided Robbery Squad. (Pastor Bakare: Building blocks of nationhood; a blueprint for a new Nigeria. 25/10/20).
I came back to my base on Sunday, 15/1/21, and learned from the landlord that our transformer had been vandalized and that the cables in and around it were missing in action. Both of us agreed that an enemy would have done this and that the enemies could only be those who understood the dynamics of, and had access to, transformers.
Two days later, the street levied every house and every individual so as to revive the transformer. One of the managers (or damagers) told my landlord that if we did not contribute for the refurbishing, then we would stay in the dark ages.
When he asked the damager about the loss of income to IEDC, the man unabashedly replied: that one no concern me! It is the statement of someone with a salary mindset; an owner-minded fellow would not have said so.
Of course, they reap where they did not sow. You buy poles, wire, transformer, meter, pay for labour and they just wait for you with a matchet at the amen (the end of the chain), to slice as much as they can from your pocket.
You are luckier if you had meters otherwise, they would just bill you any mount they fancy and disconnect you and seize the wire (which you bought with your own money) when you do not pay early enough.
And the state would provide cover for such outright thievery! No; this is more than thievery; it is robbery and brigandage. NEPA, PHCN, Discos are the most visible members of the State Aided Robbery Syndicate. This is where I am headed this year.
Incidentally, as the DISCOS are dealing ruthlessly with us, the National Electricity Regulatory Commission has revealed that Togo and others did not pay anything for the power supplied by Nigeria!
How do I join SARS? Just wait and see. It is obvious, from our experiences so far, that most of those dancing Disco with our light does not have much expertise. Of course, this is not strange.
After all, a firm, the signature with which it was registered is still dripping of ink won the 5G license.
Furthermore, what happened to Abuja EDC (seized by a bank) and Ibadan EDC (seized by AMCON)has also shown that you don’t need to have money before joining the syndicate. At most, you know somebody who knows somebody who has money or who appears as if he has money or who has access to the vault or you pretend as if you have money.
This is called packaging, including financial window-dressing. It is a complicated monkey business but I am capable of working around it. This is SARS and that is where I am headed this year.
I may even consider joining the original SARS, which will give me the power to do anything and get away with it, including murder, driving against traffic and without a seatbelt, and meddling in drug trafficking! The right to act with impunity is also another form of hammering.
If all these ingenious schemes for hammering in 2022 fail or do not yield enough cash, I will offer myself for sale! Yes, offer myself for sale. Aliyu na Idris did that last year, pricing himself at N20m.
Read also: How to hammer in 2022: I will join SARS!!!
The business could not be consummated because the Kano Sharia Police arrested him as self-sale is against Islamic law. That is why we did not know how the index case would have ended.
Well, the Catholic Church will not arrest me for this (we don’t even have Catholic Police). In my own case, I will sell myself piecemeal starting with the brain, the cornerstone of my academic entrepreneurship; the eye with which I see, and the finger/arm with which I write.
And these parts will go, live, to different buyers. I have already appointed Bismark Rewane of Financial Derivatives as my financial adviser.
Meanwhile, 2021 AFCON has come and gone. It favoured Nigeria and Nigerians initially and then, we left unceremoniously. That is good but my interest is in two news items. The first one, Cameroonian prostitutes (relatively decently dressed) withdrew all subsidies without notice as a method of balancing demand and supply.
Consequently, the cost of their ‘products’ hit the rooftop! If there were no excess demand, the prices would not have gone mad, so Prof Dotun Phillips taught me in 1977 at UI. And then, a troupe of scantly ladies from Zimbabwe flooded the venue, allegedly to distract the opponents so that Zimbabwe would have it easy.
Unfortunately, going by the early and unceremonious exit of the Zimbabwean team, it appeared that the ladies succeeded in distracting their own people. It was indeed an own-goal, just like the Twitter debacle, in which after 222 days and a loss of about N10trn, the FG lifted the ban on Twitter.
Who lost this gargantuan sum? Nigerians and Nigeria. To what effect? Grandstanding. Twitter was accused of supporting EndSARS and IPOB. Both activities continued without twitter. The reason for the debacle was that the oga at the very top felt humiliated. And he wanted to teach them a lesson. In the process, we lost. It was also an own goal
Meanwhile, ASUU is back in the trenches! And life goes on for our leaders.
