How to effectively give your leader difficult feedback without stress

Feedback is a necessary evil given in response to actions taken, and no leader finds it comfortable to listen to what they’re doing wrong, and often the words are tricky or confusing to hear. Honestly, feedback isn’t straightforward to give, either. However, feedbacks are an excellent method of self-discovery. We act, watch its effects, and learn what works and what doesn’t. When we are young, this method works superbly.

As leaders evolve and form their self-image, they start screening out feedback that contradicts that image. Preserving their sense of identity becomes more imperative than learning and growth. They also develop a public image they work hard to maintain. Especially for those who become public figures; clergy, politicians, celebrities, business executives, CEOs, or public servants, protecting this public image may seem most important to them. Their defenses are up, and the only messages that penetrate are the ones that validate the image of the leader.

Preparing a leader for feedback is requisite to give that feedback effectively. Hence, learning how to provide effective feedback can make the difference between a meaningless or disastrous chat and a constructive conversation. It takes courage for subordinates to find ways in which leaders can receive the feedback they need. So, how do you do it? Are you formulaic and by the book, or do you wing it? Is it time for straight talk, or do you find yourself dancing around the issues? Do you take a clinical approach, or are you personally invested?

Preparing a leader for feedback is requisite to give that feedback effectively. Hence, learning how to provide effective feedback can make the difference between a meaningless or disastrous chat and a constructive conversation

First, you need to give leaders feedback carefully and sensibly. Poorly presented feedback can be perceived as an attack rather than an honest conversation. The leader may strike back defensively, discouraging you from giving future feedback. You can curtail defensiveness by introducing your feedback with a soothing statement that communicates respect and helps the leader of the value of honesty. You can start by saying, “You know I respect your leadership style and the great things you are trying to achieve for the organisation, and I am certain you will appreciate me being honest with you.” Giving feedback in judgmental terms puts people on the defensive, and by doing that, you’ve communicated that you know what’s right or wrong.

Second, steer clear of generalised, cliché catchphrases by avoiding words like; “always” and “never.” It puts people on the defensive. If you want to encourage someone to repeat a productive behaviour, you must let them know that it is good to keep doing it. The truth is that leaders are more apt to pay attention to feedback if we link it to outcomes they desire or what motivates them. It could be growth, profits, promotion, re-election, or reputation. By connecting your feedback about behaviour or policy to its impact on what leaders value, their interest in the subject outweighs the impulse on what leaders value; their interest in the subject often outweighs the urge to defend their image.

Third, negative feedback must seek to address a specific behaviour or policy, not the leader’s personality. When giving feedback about behaviour, we must clearly state what the particular behaviour is and, what adverse effects it is causing; how serious the potential consequences are should the behaviour continue. Giving a leader feedback about organizational policies is usually easier than giving feedback about their behaviour, but not always.

Only give feedback on policies when you are sure the leader is somewhat open-minded. For example, a leader may be blind-sided in a position that could have devastating outcomes for an organization. And where a leader appears closed-minded to listening to other viewpoints on an issue. We might approach that leader this way; “There are some things I want to tell you that you may not want to hear; however, this is why you need to listen to them.” Then state why the leader should listen, including the potential consequences to his interests and the common purpose.

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Fourth, to reduce defensiveness, stick with the information that you know. Mentioning another person’s name only confuses the leader, who then wonders why others are talking about them behind their back.

Fifth, don’t sandwich negative feedback in between positive feedback. You may think it is a fantastic idea to release the shockwave of negative feedback with positive ones; however, the recipient is clever enough to read between the lines, too. Also, ensure your feedback is not psychoanalysing the motives behind a leader’s behaviour because whatever assumptions you have about someone’s intents and motives are possibly wrong. These approaches only create animosity.

Sixth, another way to defuse defensiveness is to raise sensitive issues privately with leaders, just as we prefer them to do with us. You need to request a private audience and avoid giving feedback when others are present.

Seventh, avoid using inappropriate humour or sarcasm as a substitute for feedback, especially if you’re uncomfortable giving it in the first place. Keep the malicious comments to yourself. Also, phrasing feedback as a question is too indirect to be effective. A leader may even interpret as sarcastic.

Eighth, feedback becomes effective if you know when to stop. It is imperative not to overdo feedback as you risk making the leader too introspective. They need time to process the information they have received. Leadership requires looking outward and forward.

Lastly, it is unrealistic to expect leaders to accept every feedback and immediately make changes. Feedback is not always on target, and the timing may be wrong whenever it is on target. Leaders sometimes need to stick to their positions because leaders who change their views whenever someone talks to them are not leading.