Grooming young people is easy

In today’s turbulent world, criminals and gangs who want to make money by all means will do anything to make the money. I have often pondered the mind of a criminal, a kidnapper, a serial sexual offender, a murderer and an armed robber. We delude ourselves if we think they are not among us. In fact, they are closer than you think. Several years ago, I was hired by the ILO as a National Media consultant on human trafficking. It was a job that required some sort of collaboration with the media to help propagate the dangers of trafficking. As we went into the operational part of the work, training and word watch, it was clear that many members of the fourth estate of the realm did not understand the way to treat victims of human trafficking especially the girls. Beyond the media many members of the society parents inclusive have no idea what it means to have a child groomed by sexual predators until that child no longer listens to you and is roped into the bizarre unforgiving world of human traffickers and sexual exploitation.

It is erroneous to think that this sexual exploitation only happens to girls. Trust me there is enough research and evidence to show that young boys can be groomed and then abused.  Check out Sports locker rooms, teachers and often times some religious leaders. The story includes of course a lot of girl children, vulnerable, confused and divested by close family members to be used and abused. But let’s understand the word grooming. Really what does it really mean?

Grooming is generally a process by which offenders gradually draw victims into a sexual relationship and maintain that relationship in secrecy. At the same time the offender may also fill roles within the victims’ families that make them a very trusted and valued friend.

Grooming takes time. It does not happen overnight and the offender who has been a predator for years knows how best to get the attention of a vulnerable thirteen-year-old boy or girl who feels that she is not getting enough attention from her family or friends. This child is experiencing puberty and is often already quite confused about what is going on. They also tend to be more rebellious and feels no one understands them.

Grooming takes time. It does not happen overnight and the offender who has been a predator for years knows how best to get the attention of a vulnerable thirteen-year-old boy or girl who feels that she is not getting enough attention from her family or friends.

The sexual predator knows this and is hunting for such children. So they begin by telling the child or teenager that they understand them and no one else does. This is to gain trust. Some of the red flags include targeting a particular child for special attention and showering them with gifts or money. Watch out for that uncle whether directly related by family or a friend of the family who is always trying to get the attention of one of your daughters. Sometimes the more familiar ones are the most dangerous as grooming is based on trust and a high level of deceit by the predator.

Other ways include getting the child boy or girl to swear to some form of secrecy. Next they coax them into going places with them alone and soon after that inappropriate touching and pretend relationship. Before long a sexual activity takes place and the shame of it reinforces the secret code between the victim and the perpetrator.

How to figure this out? All these things can take place under your nose while you are there and you may not notice. Comments like … Ah Anita, Oya lets go and get biscuits for your brothers should be discouraged. Comments like, you are a big girl now, come and sit on my lap, should be discouraged. A close eye should be kept on a sleep over Uncle or Aunty who says … Ah Michael can stay in my room overnight; we have so much catching up to do… No, Michael should not. He is only seven. Let him go back to his room. You never know what goes on in the night even if he is the children’s favourite Uncle. Also teach your children their body parts and the ones that should never be touched by anyone even Aunty or Uncle inappropriately.

Please note that a lot of inappropriate behaviour can be introduced by the maid or houseboy. Listen to your children and please monitor your helps… otherwise you will be surprised that they groom your children who are dependent on them and slowly begin to abuse them.

A lot of times, predators who are grooming children try to isolate them from family and friends and create their secret meeting place. Track your teenagers, understand where they go and the pattern of the escape from home. They also try to undermine the relationship between Parents and their victims especially older teenagers. Once the child begins to get used to the thrill of keeping their activity away from you and even their new best friend, it becomes extremely dangerous because first they think it’s an adventure to get away from your strict ways, then it becomes a web they can’t get away from. Before you know it some of the predators set them up for prostitution and then trafficking. None of this will seem like the young person was forced because after a while there is violence and then there are drugs. Dependency makes people behave in strange compliant ways.

Sexual Predators and human traffickers target specific genders, age and even size of young people for those who pay for sex.

Keep your eyes open for red flags and try and be present as a parent.  Predators are everywhere and Young people are often easy to groom. The offenders have had practice. Your children are inexperienced and clueless and they do not see you often but this Uncle knows we like Club sandwiches and meat pies and he brings it unfailingly at Lunch time. He always gives Abigail two meat pies and everyone else one. Because she is special he says. He brings these goodies when you are not home.  Watch out that’s how it starts! Grooming young people is easy. Keep an eye on yours! As the year comes to an end, open your eyes more to save your children from trauma in 2020.