So last week we looked at some of those qualities a man could possibly possess that should make you think again before you say yes. Today we take a look at our ladies. Indeed, every man like every woman deserves a good life partner. So, the men are doing the asking will you marry me, we know, but before you give the nod to ask that question, before you say yes, she is the one, here are some thoughts to guide you in the journey.
These days, it would seem that what family a girl comes from should not matter. In fact, this applies to both the girl and the boy. But you are wrong if this is not important to you. The socialisation of your partner is so critical. How is your potential mother in law addressed in her community? That kind, good woman or that quarrelsome neighbour who is selfish and very abusive? Socialisation matters. Your love and emotion and I cannot do without her attitude matters but what about those qualities she has picked up from her mother. Is she kind? Does she have resilience? What are the other things you are dealing with? Does she talk to you anyhow in front of your friends? Is she quarrelsome? Does she give you your due?
Let us look at another aspect? Is she materialistic? I mean, a girl must wear good shoes and good jewellery and great clothes but is that all she lives for? Is she indebted by hundreds and thousands to those selling lace? Are they banging on her twice a week when you visit to demand their money? It is time to run. Trust me. You will jointly be indebted for lace, wig, wrapper, gold and diamonds. No one should be in debt even for small things. As a woman, you must be ready to walk away from things you cannot afford. If she cannot walk away, Mr man, are you ready?
Can she cook? I mean feed you and feed your friends when they occasionally visit? If you have a small ten persons get together in your home for Christmas or Sallah, does she hire event planners and fifteen caterers or cook? Is she willing to get in the saddle and learn to cook? I mean we all feel tired sometimes and want to kick off our shoes and let someone else cook for us, even our husbands, but generally, I mean, can she feed the family or y’all will have to rely on restaurant home delivered food for 365 days a year. Even if you have a cook and its great if you can afford it, can she make you specials?
So, let’s leave cooking a bit and check out empathy. A woman who has no empathy is no good at all. Cannot walk in your shoes, does not understand your pain. If she cannot, then why are you thinking of saying yes. A woman should also be able to say sorry, thank you and please. A rude, disrespectful woman does not make a good wife. A lot of times, wives stand in the gap for their husbands. If there is a quarrel in the family or even between him and his friends, wives should be the oil not the pepper. I agree that these days’ some women are battling men who are loafers and are lazy but a good woman is the one who guides her husband gently in his businesses or in his work. A bad woman is the insatiable one who requests that you sell your father’s land to pay for your wedding, encourages you to cook the books so she can buy jewellery and makes you believe her love is for sale. Run… Hurry!
For men as it is for women also, a partner who lies and deceives you throughout your relationship is not good for you. She lies about who her father is, whether she has had relationships before or has had a child in the past and lies about her favourite food is not worthy of a nod. She says she does not eat swallow and you run into her at a restaurant, swallowing pounded yam like her life depended on it…Hmm… What are the other things she is lying about?
A woman who has no empathy is no good at all. Cannot walk in your shoes, does not understand your pain. If she cannot, then why are you thinking of saying yes. A woman should also be able to say sorry, thank you and please
Again, this is for women as it is for men. What diseases are within the family that you know nothing about? She has not told you. Meanwhile you have told her everything. She did not tell you anything about her family. Watch out, you are dealing with a very secretive girl or she has not trusted you enough. Either way, be careful. Allow this to happen at least twice before you confront her.
What about the “jaye- jaye” mistress? The one who is at everyone’s party and changing five different Aso-ebis throughout the day. This is the social butterfly extra, wants to be seen at everyone’s party and is literally a party animal. In fact, if you say you are not coming, she will go solo to five parties over the weekend arriving in the wee hours of the morning each time.
Let us look at the other qualities you must consider. Is she a woman of faith? A praying woman avails much, she keeps her family protected from pestilence and encourages her family to be deeply spiritual. Is she kind to people around her, her own siblings, her parents, and then let’s look at how she treats your family? Does she think your mum is too outspoken and your Dad too strict or too quiet? Does she detest your family and complains at every little challenge? Does she like children or she thinks her sister’s baby’s puke ruined her jeans? Does she hate the presence of children and shushes them every time they try to talk to her? Is she fashion forward in a decent way, does not do cleavage and does not wear pant high slits? Is she respectful and selfless? Does she respect your parents or she thinks they are her classmates? Are you always fighting over money?
Does she give you a hand at home, a bit of guidance to the cleaner, some cooking? Is she in love with you or she is in love with love? Is she tender, understanding or she is difficult and overbearing? Is she humble or she is haughty? Are you always quarrelling with your parents or siblings because of her? Does she love your relations and is tolerant of even the difficult ones among them? Is she pretending? Is she brilliant or she is just a bimbo? Your choice is critical. Look well, before you say yes! Good luck!
Eugenia Abu
