• Thursday, June 13, 2024
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2023: Permacrisis or not, I must trend this year!

2023: Permacrisis or not, I must trend this year!

The stressful and distressed 2022 has thankfully gone while the long-awaited 2023 has come and is racing furiously like the years before it. 2023 is long awaited in Nigeria because it is the year of the GREAT decision; the choice between the old and new order; between the structured parties and the structureless one; it is a year of epic struggle for the very soul, survival and future of the country, which after 62 years, is still known for its potentials and what it should have been.

2022 was described as the year of ‘permacrisis’, a ‘term that perfectly embodies the dizzying sense of lurching from one unprecedented event to another’ or “an extended period of instability and insecurity’ (David Shariatmadari, 1/11/22). However, because of the usual lag between happenings in the developed world and the reverse-developing worlds, I believe that 2023 will be our own year of permacrisis.

Please, don’t crucify me! I am neither a pessimist nor am I unpatriotic; but from the way things were, the way they are and from what I have seen from my ‘pot’ going forward, Nigerians will be on the NYSC mode this year.

NYSC? Now Your Suffering Continues. However, I also believe that this will be our last year of suffering and smiling either because the old order is justifiably benched permanently or because the recharged and angry, new generation will defiantly and sustainably say and act: enough is enough!

If you scan the environment regularly like I do, you will readily identify winning business ideas like these ones

When the 16 years of misrule by PDP was supplanted by 8 years of criminal mismanagement by the pharisaic APC, which had carried on as if its main agenda was and is to ‘finish Nigeria’ in all dimensions fiscally, physically, and socioeconomically; when Nigeria now has the unenviable global record of being among the last quartile in all the measures of de-development and human indignity: poverty (133m in multidimensional poverty), unemployment, exchange rate, inflation(22%), debts( N77trn; 86% on debt servicing Jan-Nov, 2022) corruption, high cost of living, low standard of living, infrastructure deficit, and an increase of 2900% in the CBN loan to the Buhari government in 7 years.

There is also a militarization of the environment in a supposedly peace time. During the Xmas season, Governor Soludo came to commission a project at Igbo-Ukwu and it was as if we were at war.

The convoy outweighed the vehicles of the people; the distance between the entrance to the venue of the event was occupied by fierce looking soldiers every inch of the way and… it was scarry. The size of the convoy and the war-like environment got my beloved sad and moody and funny enough a soldier who noticed her ‘don’t worry; things will be alright’.

And then, she asked him whether he was obedient to which he replied: ‘since I was born’. The whole scenario reminded me of the number of police and military tollgates between Sagamu and Onitsha. Total militarisation in peace time!

Anyway, despite PMB’s repeated assurances that he would leave Nigeria more secured and peaceful that he met it, the ‘kidnapreneures’ struck with greater audacity, and in broad daylight, at Tom Ikimi Rail station, Edo State, kidnapping 30+ people, including the Chief Security Officer! I am not surprised.

Their Kaduna counterparts (assuming they are not involved in the latest incident) amassed about N1bn in ransom, boldly rescued their people from Kuje prison and received a slap in the wrist from the government.

Now, I learnt that they have demanded for a bulk ransom of N650m. and while the security-men are busy combing the bushes for them (in this era of drones) they struck again, kidnapping Mrs Precious Aigbonoga, the President of the Customary Court in the area. And the military is planning to hand over ‘repentant terrorists’ to governors! What will governors do with them and who assured that they had repented?

Read also: Nigeria’s economy is at a crossroads

We were lucky to buy fuel at N350 in Igbo-ukwu during the Christmas season but we learnt it was up to N500 in PH. However, the operative Minister of Petroleum declared that N300/liter ‘is not bad’ while the official price approved by the substantive Minister of Petroleum is N170!. The government has signed a budget with 12trn deficit, in which NASS increased the figures by more than N1trn, with N3.5trn budgeted for the amoebic subsidy.

Marcel Okeke has just described the budget as a boobytrap for the next government! And while the cost of government is weighing us down the senate has proposed 376 new federal agencies in this economically anemic country. And just the other day, I met a townsman who was approached by a PVC procurement contractor to provide at PVCs ( as many as possible) at N50,000 apiece!!! But we have been assured of fault-free electoral process.

Last year, my economic model for making it was to join SARS( State Assisted Robbery Squad). But the members of this exclusive clique and have refused to admit me. I left them and decided to be a delegate. I even read the greatest book in that field cover to cover but we all know that the next set of primaries is about 4 years away.

And so, for 2023, I have resolved to hammer, despite all these scarry scenarios, adopting the appropriate strategies so as to TREND monumentally in the internet space. For a start, I will concurrently be an influencer, a cross-dresser, a skit maker and a content creator. It took me just two weeks, 10th to 24th November, 2022 to make up my mind.

On 10/11/22, Ashumusy, one of those involved in these new-era businesses, announced that she spent N2m daily in attending to live issues. Three days later, Blessing CEO, announced that she spent over N3m to restructure her backside (what those who want to confuse us with words call liposuction) and that was just as Bobrisky brags that a stray man, gave her over N5m monthly for feeding.

On 24/11/22, Enioluwa, an influencer declares that whe spent N22000 for walk-in haircuts, an amount I have not spent for that purpose in the last 15 years. If you remember that the average Nigerian Professor earns about N450000 take home pay monthly, you will not be surprised as to why I have decided to go for these new ‘professions’

If you scan the environment regularly like I do, you will readily identify winning business ideas like these ones. I delayed the completion of this piece by an hour to attend the 104th Inaugural Lecture at my university and the topic was ‘The world cheats those who cannot read’ by Professor B.O Adekola. I agree totally with her; it is because I can read that I was able to identify these business ideas for 2023. I wish all my readers a FRUITFUL 2023.