Entanglement

Siju and I got married because that was what our parents wanted. We’ve been family friends since I can remember and we grew up knowing that one day I’ll become his Mrs.

I was fresh out of the university and Siju had just landed his first job as an accountant when our parents started planning our wedding. They planned everything from start to finish and all we had to do was show up. Even our house was a wedding gift from my father in-law. As far as I’m concerned, the wedding ceremony/party was for our parents. They could not contain their joy. Apart from the bride and groom not being excited about the day, everything else was perfect.

I’ve known Siju all my life but I can’t say we are friends. Standing beside him as his wife seemed so awkward. I don’t know why I allowed myself to be talked into such a loveless marriage.

Well, we settled into married life and I only managed to relax because Siju is a good guy. The situation wasn’t easy for him as well but he handled it better than me. In the first few months of our marriage, Siju and I slept in separate rooms until he decided that he couldn’t take it anymore. We had a talk then we both agreed that since we were already in this marriage, we just had to try to give love the chance to grow no matter how difficult it seemed or atleast find a way to make things work. It wasn’t easy but we tried. Ahhh! we really tried.

Nine years and two kids later, I found myself still waiting to fall head over heels in love with my husband. He’s a good man no doubt and I like him but not in a romantic way. Anyway, we tolerate each other and live peacefully so that should count for something.

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Everything was hunky dory until Marvin came to work at my office. We shared a table at lunch one day and that was all it took for us to know that we wanted to do this for a lifetime. Falling in love with him was so easy. Every moment spent with him felt like I’ve know him all my life. This guy got me big time. Marvin and I became very close and we both knew that something had to give. I had to quit my job because we didn’t want to raise suspicions or draw unnecessary attention to ourselves. My new job was perfect. It took me out of town most of the time and this gave me the perfect opportunity to spend time with Marvin. Oh I forgot to mention that his wife and children live abroad so we had his house to ourselves.

Marvin came into my life and changed everything. I was bubbly and cheerful. I radiated so much joy and even gained my much needed weight in all the right places. The good thing about all this was that Siju was clueless about what was going on. He didn’t notice or suspect anything at all.
l must commend him because, despite working a full time job and also trying to build his professional portfolio with courses and all, Siju still showed that he was committed to making our marriage work. He was an amazing father to our kids and a good husband to me but I still wasn’t feeling him especially since Marvin had taken all of me and I had nothing else to give anyone.

On the weekend of our 10th anniversary, I had to be away because of work. I could have returned home to be with my family but I told Marvin picked me up from the airport instead. This wasn’t going to be one of our usual rendezvous because I wanted to put an end to our relationship.
I had a brain and mind reset while I was away. Siju had sent me text messages that got me thinking. He opened up to me about how much he loves me and that he couldn’t imagine being married to someone else.
I did a lot of soul searching then I realised that deep within my heart, somewhere in the corners of my heart, I actually felt something for Siju but I never made any effort to nurture my feelings. He is a good man and deserves better from me. So I decided that it was time to focus on what I have than on what I couldn’t have.

I ordered lunch from our favorite restaurant because I wasn’t in the mood to cook anything, all I wanted to do was to talk and get the matter over with then run home to my family. The door bell rang a few minutes after we stepped into the and I was surprised at the quick response from the restaurant, this was very much unlike them. I went to get the door but the surprise was on me. Standing before me were my husband and kids. My mind went blank, my heart stopped beating instantly and my jaw hit the floor. Never in the life of me did I imagine something like this to happen. My kids rushed to hug me while Siju kissed my cheeks and brushed past me causl as he ushered himself into the house.

I heard Marvin calling out my name from the kitchen but my tongue was stuck to he roof of my mouth, I couldn’t get any word out. He walked into the sitting room and almost ran back when he saw my husband and the kids. Siju was cool and calm, not a hair out of place. He stretched out his hand for a handshake.
“Hello Marvin, I guess you already know who I am”… he said
Marvin swallowed hard, confusion and guilt written all over him.
There I was guilt struck, afraid, ashamed and confused. I took a look at my husband and I realized that I love him. Yes I love this man but it took the whole of ten years for me to know this.

Now how do I get myself out of this mess? My hands have been found in the cookie jar and my whole world is about to crumble…I don’t know what to do.