Life is all about choices. Some choices we regret, some we are proud of and some will haunt us for the rest of our lives. Mine has been a thorn in my flesh and I doubt if there will ever be an end to it.
My name is Rosemary Peterside and I am the last child in a family of three children. My father is a medical doctor while my mother is a teacher. I have two brothers who are way older than me.
My eldest brother, Richard is 33-years-old and he is a renowned lawyer in the United States of America. Raphael, my immediate elder brother is a 31-year-old accountant in the United Kingdom. I am 20-years-old and I was supposed to study Medicine and Surgery after which I would end up in any country of my choice.
My parents had given up hopes of having another baby when I arrived. They really didn’t see me coming and that explains the gulf-like age gap between Raphael and me.
“I was shocked when I was told I was pregnant 10-years after I had Raphael but I was overjoyed when I knew it was a girl,” my mom said one of the evenings we were preparing supper, “We have always prayed for a girl and that’s why we love you so much.”
They sure did love me because I had the most beautiful childhood ever. I was pampered and given everything I so desired, all I had to do was to ask. But my parents never spared the rod when they had to.
As expected of teachers, my mom was good with the cane and she had lots of them which she used when the need arose. On the other hand, my dad wasn’t. Whenever I or any of my brothers erred, my dad would wake us up in the middle of the night to talk some sense into us. Unlike my mom, he believed in second chances.
“If you repeat this foolishness next time, you’ll see the other side of me and I assure you, you won’t like it,” my dad warned, one of the days he felt pained by my behaviour.
I never saw that side because I always took his warnings seriously.
I enrolled for JAMB the same year I sat for WAEC and I studied as if my life depended on it. But, the truth was that it did depend on it. It was a taboo to fail at home. My siblings didn’t and I wasn’t about to change that.
While filling my JAMB form, my parents agreed I make the Federal University which is less than an hour drive from home both my first and second choice.
“You stand a greater chance of securing admission. But, that doesn’t mean you won’t study hard,” my mom advised.
I studied assiduously and it paid off. I was offered admission to study Medicine and Surgery.
“I’m so proud of you, Rosie,” my dad said when I broke the good news to them. “I had no doubt you would be admitted for that course because you’ve got the brains”
My mom was pleased as well and advised I stay away from those that would kill my dream.
“Keep your eyes on the goal,” my mother advised. “Avoid bad company and be focused on your studies so you don’t lose it.”
I was 17-years old when I gained admission into the University and for three years, I kept my eyes on the goal. The result? I was adjudged the best medical student in my class for those years.
There were lots of distractions in school but I surmounted them all until my third year at the University.
“Saturday is Mercy’s birthday party,” Sharon, one of my course mates, reminded me. “Hope you’ll be there?”
I replied in the negative.
“You need to get a life, Rose,” Cynthia, another course mate, chipped in. “You are only young once. Live a little, will you?”
Two other course mates persuaded me to attend.
“Don’t just pass through the University, you have to let the University pass through you as well,” said Blessing, one of my course mates. “Come, let’s celebrate with our own.”
In the end, I agreed to attend and that was when the cookie began to crumble.
Before then, I had never stayed outside the house latter than 7pm. My parents had also grown to trust me because of my brilliant performance in school and when I lied to them about a group assignment, they believed me.
It was during that party that I met Jason. He was funny, gentlemanly and had an infectious smile.
Jason told me he was the celebrant’s cousin and a final year mechanical engineering student in my school.
When the party ended, we exchanged contacts and he promised to keep in touch which he did.
My friendship with Jason was a secret because my parents had warned me against keeping male friends.
“For now, stay away from men and focus on your studies. When the time is right, I’ll let you know,” my mom said to me when I gained admission into University.
With time, Jason and I began to get more and more intimate. I would visit him at the hostel and spend so much time with him.
Few weeks after Jason graduated, I took seriously ill. My parents thought it was malaria or probably school stress but it was more than that.
“Your daughter is two months pregnant,” our family doctor began, looking from me to my mother. “I think she’s HIV positive too. But, we will run a second test to be doubly sure.”
My mom stood up abruptly and left the hospital without saying a word while the doctor tried to tell me it wasn’t the end of the world. If this wasn’t the end, I wondered what the end would be like.
Immediately I left the hospital, I rang Jason and told him we needed to see. The urgency in my voice might have alerted him of an imminent danger.
“I’m not in town,” he said, selecting his words carefully. ‘‘Everything okay?”
I told him it wasn’t something I could say on phone and he promised to come back as soon as he could.
On getting home that evening, I met my parents in the sitting room. The moment my dad saw me, he pounced on me and gave me the beating of my life. That was the day I saw the other side of him, he always warned us against.
“Go in there and pack your things out of my house,” he said, looking at me disgustingly. “Leave my house now before I kill you with my bare hands.”
I staggered into the house and packed few of my belongings. I could hear my mom crying and asking who she had offended.
Leaving home, I lodged in a nearby hotel. That night, my brothers called.
“How could you let that happen to you, Rosie,” Richard asked. “You’re smarter than this. Pregnancy, we can handle but HIV is a big deal.”
When Raphael called at about midnight, he expressed his disappointment as well.
“We had so much faith in you,” he said, “You really let us down, Rosie.”
Jason never bothered to call and when I did, I discovered my calls were barred. I tried ringing him with another number but when he realised I was the one, he hung up. So, I decided to talk to his cousin about it.
All these while, Mercy never knew I was dating Jason. Jason had advised me against telling her about our affair. He said she might tell his parents he was fooling around in school.
But, when I asked Mercy about his cousin, I received a shocker.
“Which cousin? I don’t have any cousin in this school before or now,” she said, surprisingly.
“I mean, Jason. He was at your birthday party, last year,” I stammered.
She looked at me and frowned.
“That chronic womaniser? He’s not my cousin, abeg,” she said, making a face, “He’s just an acquaintance. Please, stay away from him. He’s bad news”
At that point, I saw no need in telling her more. I excused myself and went back to my hotel room.
I spent days calling my family and apologising for bringing shame on them. I also begged for a second chance.
“As long as we are concerned, you’re dead,” my dad replied, and hung up the phone. He never picked my calls again.
Left with no other option, I decided to contact Aunty Florence. Aunty Florence is my father’s elder sister and she resides in Asaba, Delta State. She was disappointed when I told her all that had happened but she took me in.
I had a baby boy but luckily, my son isn’t infected with the virus. My mom called twice to check on me but my dad has never bothered to call. My brothers called often and made sure I lacked nothing. They sent some money which I used to open a big boutique in Asaba.
For years, I toiled and burnt the midnight candle in anticipation of a great future. But those years are now wasted because of the wrong choices I made which I have to live with… for the rest of my life!
Chinwe Agbeze
