My first ‘crush’

I had a crush at a tender age. Some define crush as a temporary love of an adolescent while others call it infatuation and some others call it ‘puppy love’ or ‘calf love’.

There was this guy in my church whom I had a crush on. He was very handsome, light in complexion and tall. He was intelligent and admired by most of my girl friends. We always talked about him in our group chat during service. He was older than all of us with two years. We were all 13 yrs and he was 15. I always looked for ways to get close to him or to have a brief chat with him. But I was never able to. All my friends too sought ways of talking to him, and they all gave the same report that he was a ‘beefie’. On a particular Sunday, I stared at him all through the service, from the way he walked, to the way he sat and the way he stood. I looked at his hands when he waved and my mind went haywire …“God! Chinyere, stop that!” I chided myself. I couldn’t imagine that my thoughts could go that far right here in church. I reprimanded myself.  But then, what could I do? I thought to myself. I was already in ‘love’….or so I thought.

The painful thing is that he never got to notice me. Even when he did, it was like I didn’t exist. He treated me in an offhand manner. I told my close friend that I was going to walk up to him and tell him that I am in love with him. She warned me not to saying “don’t even dare it. You will be a laughing stock, because he will tell all his friends and in no time, you’ll be the talk of the church and community.” I looked at her and said “it doesn’t matter, I love him”. And I walked away.

She stood mouth agape staring after me. I was relieved, happy and excited when he approached me the next Sunday and said I was beautiful. I was dumbfounded. I thought he never noticed me. But it was otherwise. He said, “For a while, I’ve noticed you, and to me you are the most beautiful girl I’ve seen in the whole church.” I stupidly replied “you are the most handsome too and I love you”.  The words were out before I knew it, I couldn’t take them back.

He just smiled and said I love you too. When I heard those words, it was as if the world stood still. I restrained myself from jumping into his hands and hugging him.

To me I was deeply in love. Whatever anyone said to me didn’t matter. I had met the love of my life. I couldn’t do without hearing from him in a day. It seemed like I couldn’t breathe without him, I couldn’t live without him.  I was helplessly in love. I spent most of my money calling him. Spent most of my time forming poetic text messages. Spent most of my nights, thinking about him. I was always sneaking out of the house to be with him until my dad caught me and grounded me for life. Looking back at those days, I realized how stupid I was. I wasted three years of my life thinking I was in love. Thinking I would spend the rest of my life with him. I thought I had a future with him. But it was obvious that life itself had a different plan for me. Thank God that I wasn’t stupid to have gotten pregnant. Perhaps I wouldn’t be privileged to write this story. So many teenagers and even youths are victims of crush, infatuation, puppy love and the likes, which will eventually lead to nowhere.

Valentine is by the corner, and everyone is excited. Guys have lured girls into thinking that they can prove their love by sleeping with them on that day. Many virgins have made up their mind to break their virginity that day.  I am writing from experience, a friend of mine, while still in secondary school was deflowered on  valentine’s day, after much persuasion from her boyfriend. She got pregnant not just that, she contracted HIV/AIDS. She is dead now. Just one day turned her whole life around and shattered her dreams. The motive behind valentine is to celebrate love in all sincerity. To share and to meet peoples need.  Not to celebrate infatuation, or lust, or to have a nice time in the corner, or hotel, or room with your so called ‘crush’. Let us celebrate love in the way God himself will approve. Let us make right decisions. For whatever decisions we make will tell on us now or in the nearest future.

Chinyere Okeke