A few days ago, my mum’s friend asked to speak with me over the phone, my surprise couldn’t last too long as I had to take the phone to speak with her. As was expected, she asked how my “boyfriends” were doing, as was the pattern of most conversations now. I laughed in answer as I had no words and she went along to pray for me about finding a man and how she’d like to meet “him” soon.
My timid uncle said hello to me as I got back from a long day at work and then asked, hope “the men” are not giving you any trouble?” Again, I laughed in answer, as still, I had no words.
My friend’s dad said to me, “When next you are coming around, bring “him” along. I’d like to meet him” This time I did have the words, I asked “who sir?” Then we both burst out laughing.
These unwanted comments and questions have literally no effect on me, the moment I laugh it off, that’s it. Almost as if they never happened. How am I not affected by them, how am I not yet desperate, how am I not questioning myself like they all are? I wonder sometimes, and every one of those times, I say to myself, “You do want to find someone to spend your life with, you absolutely want someone to show off to the world, and you most definitely want to have an answer when next someone asks “how is he”. But will you find him at the risk of losing yourself? No. Will you endure misery just so you can have an answer the next time? No. Will you settle for less than you absolutely know you deserve? No.
Many women are pressured into settling for someone who treats them like they are doing them a favour by being with them as their “time” is running out. Many women stay in miserable relationships just because they’ve endured such relationship for too long and are now scared they won’t find someone else in time to get married.
Many women have no idea there are other ways they can be truly loved as they have not been patient enough to find that person who will do justice to their soul. But the next question is, how do you find this, when you don’t even know it is missing? How do you know it’s missing when you haven’t experienced it before?
How will you experience it if you haven’t felt it for your own self? Finding someone to be with should never be about filling a void. That was never the point. You, as a person, should be whole, complete and full, and then meet someone who will compliment your wholeness. This way, you can tell when someone is taking from you and not adding to you. This way, you can truly know what you deserve and leave when it’s not being offered. This way, you can know you love yourself enough to be enough and your partner will only be an accompaniment. You can laugh away the pressure because nothing will make you settle for less than you are certain you deserve. You can tell them it’s okay, your person is out there and it’s only taking some time to find him.
Remember, your mum’s friend, your timid uncle and your friend’s dad have no stake in your life, they will celebrate your wedding and bid their farewell. If you do choose to please them by settling for the next “hello” you get, they will be long gone in the darkest hours of the night when you are even lonelier than you were before you settled. They will be long gone when it dawns on you; you’ve got the rest of your life to be with someone you are not sure why you chose. They will be long gone by the time the silence becomes deafening and the emptiness starts to echo.
So, do you love yourself enough to laugh away the curiosity and block away the pressure?
Do you love yourself enough to wait for the one they wouldn’t have to ask before you announce to the world he’s here? Do you love yourself enough to take your time, live your life, fill yourself and have him meet you at the best place you could possibly be; Mentally, Spiritually, Financially and every way possible.
How Much Do You Love Yourself?
About Faruq Suaad
Faruq Suaad is a young lady from Nigeria. She obtained her Bachelors degree in International Relations and Diplomacy from Afe Babalola University, Ado Ekiti. She is a youth partner for Well-being for women foundation. She has an inspirational and lifestyle blog which has many readers across the globe and inspires everyone that comes across it. Also, Faruq Suaad volunteers with the MOB foundation; a Non-governmental organization that advocates for the girl child and human rights in general.
She works as a sales executive at Travel Port Nigeria while running her personal business; a clothing brand named Susultana. She is passionate about the girl child, women rights, loving yourself and humanity as a whole.
