The actor, Sylvester Stallone was broke and homeless. He slept on the streets of New York and bus stations with his dear dog. Unable to feed the dog and to survive, he had to sell the dog at a liquor store, to a stranger. Sadly, with tears in his eyes, he sold for $25 only. That night he stayed up crying.
One day, after watching a Muhammed Ali fight, it inspired him to write a movie script called “Rocky”. Hungry and tired, he stayed awake dripping sweat, blood and tears for days just to finish it. It was a fantastic script! He tried to sell the script and got an offer for $125,000 for it. But he had just one request. He wanted to star in the movie. He wanted to be the main actor, Rocky. But the studio said no. They wanted a “real star”. They said he looked scraggy and talked funny. Even though he was hungry, he declined and left with his script. He looked at them eye balls to eye balls and said no even though he had no home to even return to. They must have been shocked as they let him go.
After a while, the studio agreed knowing that he wouldn’t compromise; they gave him $35,000 for the script and allowed him to star in it! That movie Rocky shook Hollywood; the Oscars even inducted it as one of the greatest movies of all time. And do you know the first thing he bought with the $35,000? The Dog.
This is a story of persistence, negotiating, loyalty and dreams. It’s what great people are made of. Half of the troubles of this life can be traced to saying “yes” too quickly and not saying “no” soon and often enough. I can relate to this story for I have been in such a position.
In the heat of a lot of needs about a decade ago, I couldn’t explain to my family why I kept turning down employment offers as a fresh graduate to start a business with zero capital. A few times I will go for interviews and ask for strategic roles and pay. Most times they looked at me funny as a fresh graduate and all the time I would walk away from the negotiation table if I wasn’t given what I wanted. I was either very stupid or very confident.
Over a decade later, businesses are growing by depending on our business. To grow, I’ve realized that diamonds come from pressure, a gem comes from friction. Life doesn’t give you what you want, but what you negotiate. Take the pain. If you win you’d be happier, if you lose you’d be smarter. You’d go harder. The harder the life, the stronger you’ll become. The stronger you become, the easier the life will be. Most people don’t stay long enough in a thing. So they negotiate out of impatience and hunger. They want the short term good feeling.
Everybody just wants the temporary high of short term reward. It’s usually a smoke screen. In a world where everyone is screaming “positive vibes only”, it’s leaving a lot more people living a mirage; people make long term decision for short term gains. A few days ago I walked out on a high paying contract renewal because although we as a firm needed the pay, I knew it would be distractive. It’s something I am still learning to teach my team and carry them along with.
Sometime last year at Hexavia, a management consulting firm, we were involved in a high power project that began to look too political. We just wanted to be technocrats and everyone else felt the right thing wasn’t the best thing to do. While I stood my ground as a consultant, our contract was terminated by the powers that be on a high level project because we made an honest recommendation that was uneasy and was to affect a lot of people.
We must have been seen as “bad vibes” for not saying what they needed to hear, for not romancing egos and playing ball (I believe a few people knew we were right but their self-interest and the harder route which they were unwilling to take made them keep mute). The environment was very political. For this, our contract was terminated. We didn’t beg or lobby to get back on their own terms. We just walked away (just the way I like explain it to my colleagues: there is a reason why there is an exclamation mark at the end of Hexavia!).
Three months later we get a call requesting for us to get back on the project and implement some of our recommendation after their easy route had failed. And of course Net Present Value (NPV) of money was at play; they just had to pay more to get us back. Today, the organization is better structured and back to profit.
My point is, it’s great to be an optimist, and almost as equal as it is to be a pessimist, when there is none in your team/organization. For the sake of results, we most times forget, we owe them the most brilliant questions for qualitative risk management that brings about innovation. Without the fear of being labelled a pessimist or black sheep, learn to weigh whatever you are offered on the scale of what you want as against what you want most.
In the words of Steven Covey, “You have to decide what your highest priorities are and have the courage to pleasantly, smilingly, and non-apologetically say no to other things. And the way to do that is by having a bigger yes burning inside.”
As much as it’s good to be an optimist, pessimists play a very important role too. The truth is that extreme optimism has its down side: Maximax Criterion as we call it in in Operation’s Research (for those with engineering mathematics and advanced management/ quantitative analysis background). Having a balance between optimism and pessimism is key (when the coefficient of optimism according to The Hurwicz criterion is between 0 and 1). That’s a realist at play. Just like the saying goes, it took an optimist to invent the aeroplane but a pessimist to invent the parachute!
Be a master and writer of your own destiny; define who you are and want to be else others will define it for you. Be the master of your own image rather than letting others define it for you. The world wants to assign you a role in life. And once you accept that role you are doomed. Don’t be afraid to stand out from the crowd and demand what is different. But let that audacity come from something deep within. Something you know, have mastered and familiar with.
It’s an asset for the negotiation table, either for business or power. Do not negotiate on unfamiliar grounds. The 8th law of the 48 Laws of Power by Robert Greene, says “Make other people come to you, use bait if necessary”. For negotiations or meetings, it is always wise to lure others into your territory, or the territory of your choice. You have your bearings, while they see nothing familiar and are subtly placed on the defensive. That’s how to get more from situations.
Life is like dinner time. And you have a choice to either be on the table or the menu, depending on the value you bring and the negotiation skills you have. Learn to stand long enough for what you believe in. And sometimes even walk away when offered otherwise. Scarcity creates more value. The more you are seen and heard from, the more common you appear. If you are already established for an uncommon value in a group, temporary withdrawal from it will make you more talked about, even more admired. You must learn when to leave.
Create value through scarcity. Business and even emotional relationship follows the same nature. At the start of a relationship you need to heighten your presence in the eyes of the other. If you absent yourself too early, you may be forgotten. But once your partner’s emotions are engaged, and the feeling of love has crystallized, absence inflames and excites. Giving no reason for your absence excites even more. This is true also for business.
Never negotiate from a place of weakness. This universe is designed to attack the weak and wounded, so never appear as one. Lions circle the hesitant prey. Boldness strikes fear, fear creates authority. Going halfway with half a heart digs a deeper grave. Hesitation creates gaps, boldness obliterates them. Audacity separates you from the herd.
In this process, sometime you lose but don’t act like it. Stop looking wounded. Even in the Bible, wounded or blemished animals were not accepted as offerings to God. When you miss an opportunity, don’t act exhausted with all hope lost. Don’t act or feel heartbroken. Research shows that even after a relationship break up, you are more likely to attract the wrong person next if you walk around saying you’re heartbroken. Same as most things in life. Spirits attract. Spiritually, guilt and pity keeps doors locked. Move up from guilt to grace. The funny thing about this thing called Grace is, no matter how many steps you take away from it, it still takes just one step to return back to you.
As a top executive who spends most of my days in the boardroom and a HR practitioner who spends a lot of time in interviews and negotiations, every day I see people in interview who negotiate wrongly. Some walk in with a face of learned helplessness, feeling battered from fights from before.
EIZU UWAOMA
