Authoritative, authoritarian, permissive, tiger, snowplough, hummingbird, free-range…the list goes on.
Earlier this year, there was a certain scandal in the United States, which brought to light a practice that wealthy parents of high school (secondary school) children have been involved in for years in recent times. These parents were essentially paying bribes through different steps of university admissions processes for their children so as to ensure that they gained admission into prestigious universities such as Yale and the University of Southern California (USC). There was news of payment to professional test-takers to get “Ivy League–worthy” SAT scores; professionally written application letters; doctoring of application details to include information on achievements in extracurricular activities that these children did not even participate in; and many more.
This scandal ignited a conversation about the evolving approach to parenting with the times. Psychologists have been making observations and carrying out research on various methods in different parts of the world. In the past, it was easier to define three general methods:
Authoritarian, authoritative and permissive.
Authoritarian parenting is what most of us would refer to as “old-school” parenting, whereby parents set and implement the rules (whether they are right or wrong); and straying from these in any way, shape or form would attract serious consequences which include harsh verbal and physical punishments. Some people who are products of this type of parenting could go as far as describing their parents as psychopaths or sociopaths because of the lack of emotional connection or concern for their emotional well-being as children.
Permissive parenting is the flipside of authoritarian parenting. This is essentially a liberal approach people could refer to as the way hipsters would raise their children; basically loving relationships with low demands on the children. It does have its benefits in terms of the strong emotional connection between parents and children. However, permissiveness could lead to a lack of independence because of this very attachment and children could struggle to cope with some adversities that come around in life as adults.
So, is there a middle ground? Yes, theoretically speaking. Between authoritarian and permissive parenting is authoritative parenting. This method is balanced in demand and emotional connection, whereby parents have a firm hand on their children, monitor their activities but also place some focus on building emotional connections with them. This sounds like the perfect situation, right? Perhaps in an ideal world, it is. But we do not live in an ideal world, do we? Far from it.
The evolution of the world physically, politically, socially and psychologically has left parents with no choice but to continuously adapt their approaches in order to ensure what they think is best for their children. Various branches of parenting have emerged from the authoritarian method as a result, for example hummingbird, free range, helicopter, snowplough and many more. The good thing about this is knowledge that parents of today are generally more aware of their local and global environment and have a fair understanding of demands and expectations to survive and thrive.
Many parents would agree that parenting today is not an easy feat also because we live in “microwave-times” where things are changing so quickly that if we do not stay ahead, our children would suffer in the future.
When it comes down to the plain fact, the parents of the children who were involved in this scandal in the United States simply wanted the best for their children, just like any other normal parent should. What they had was a platform and the resources to do so, but what they lacked was a moral compass that would have cleared any grey areas about doing the right thing.
We might shame and judge these people, but when we do think about it, there are things that we as parents in our own version of a normal world do to overprotect our children or catapult them into opportunities that we ourselves did not have. Take for instance, parents’ involvement at schools these days. Whilst feedback and collaboration are very much appreciated, sometimes involvement is taken so far that parents essentially become the authority, which should not be the case in an establishment.
OYIN EGBEYEMI
