Free from isolation, I now re-engage with the world

Isolation became my attitude sometime ago. It was evident in what I felt, the way I thought, ate, appeared and the way I approached people which was as a result of my past failures and flaws, I struggled with inferiority complex and wasn’t sociable.

Isolation made me frown when I needed to laugh, it made me hate necessities like looking good, hanging out with friends, attending seminars (which I am actually meant to), being at peace with my mind, putting up lackadaisical attitude like always feeling relaxed about important issues…the list is almost endless. Sometimes I say to myself “I have tried over and over again and it’s not working out so what’s the need pressing further?”

I reminisce and ask myself how this all started and I remember clearly that while growing up, I did not stay with my parents because we had financial challenges and the family that chose to help us out took me in and I was maltreated. I became isolated and never wanted to be around people. Failing JAMB even made it worse. With an unstable mindset, my first attempt on JAMB was bad, I did not meet the cut off mark so that year passed, the second attempt I was offered a course on textile at Yaba College of Technology and I never liked it. I sat for JAMB the third time and I got admission into the same Yaba Tech to study Mass Communication and that helped to boost my confidence a bit.

I remember the mistakes I made during the years of trying and failing. It was quite painful and nothing ever made me happy, I lived in pretence that everything was okay but I knew I had to work on my confidence. In Sam Smith’s words, “experience tells you what to do, confidence allows you do it”. I lacked confidence because I always allowed my shortcomings to hold me back. I failed to discover my worth, at a point I got confused because I lost relationship with friends, I isolated myself a lot and people didn’t want to associate with me. My self esteem was decreasing at an amazing speed but one day, I listened to a sermon given by a preacher and it turned my life around. I am now a better person daily working on my imperfections to become a better person.

Loneliness isn’t merely determined by the absence of your relationships but by quality of people around you because you van have people in your space and you will still be lonely. You might live with a spouse or spend your days surrounded by colleagues and yet feel extremely disconnected, empty and unwanted.

Isolation is often the result of life events such as failure in the past, death of a partner, starting college and leaving your family, moving to a new place or losing close friends. But isolation can also develop gradually and before you know it your social life grinds to a halt and you end up spending life alone. A painful breakup might also cause you to withdraw and avoid exposing yourself to further rejection, making you more isolated with each passing day.

Having meaningful relationships with people around as I have learnt is essential for happiness and self-fulfilment. Most people would not be surprised to learn that in addition to the intense anguish it creates, isolation has a big impact on one’s mental health as well. It increases your risk of depression. Isolation poses an even greater danger to your physical health.

What makes isolation so difficult to overcome is that being isolated often fosters habits and mindsets that make isolated people behave defensively and unwittingly push people away. I know this because I have been there.

The anguish of an isolated person creates a veil of negativity and pessimism through which they struggle to recognize the opportunities for social connection that do exist around them.

If you are suffering from isolation, there are always steps you can take to emerge from your emotional or social isolation. Hopefully, becoming aware of how dangerous isolation is to ones mental and physical health will give you the motivation to overcome the natural pessimism you feel and the courage to take a risk and re-engage with the world.

ADORA ALINTA