My medal…not a reality?

I was in a taxi heading back to mile 2 from Lekki Phase 1. I was just coming from intercontinental hotel where I was given an award for best writer. It was what I always wanted. When I was growing, I wanted to be many things. I wanted to be a dancer; I always danced around the house practicing salsa or twisting, name it… there was no dance step that I didn’t know how to perform. One day my dad warned me sternly that dancing was for people who had no vision or career. He said “I am not paying your school fees for you to end up dancing in the street; people that go to school end up being doctors, bankers, accountants name it, not dancers. So my dear throw that dream of yours away, it isn’t realistic. I don’t ever want to see you dance in this house again!”. And that was how I gave up dancing. The last time I tried dancing, I was so stiff; I couldn’t get a move correctly.

I also wanted to be a singer, but then whenever I watch programmes like Nigerian idol, MTN Project Fame, I usually get discouraged because I am nowhere as good as those that were even disqualified (or so I thought). So how was I going to make a good singer? I thought to myself. Then I decided to concentrate on my last talent which is writing. Back then in high school I was not good in calculations; I had no interest for it. People thought I was not going to make it. My mathematics teacher wrote me off. I was not pretty too; my dad insisted that I go on low cut. So my mates wrote me off too. Nobody really wanted to have me as a close friend. No one was fond of me. And I thought aloud “if everyone rejects me, should I reject myself as well? I want to be someone. I want to be heard and I want to be seen. People that wrote me off would pay to see me and hear me talk. I am going to be a writer and am going to be popular. Just wait and see”.

I didn’t know if I was consoling myself or if it was the voice of God that was speaking. Whichever, all I knew was it gave me hope and it gave me reason to fight back. I thank God that I didn’t give up. They were challenges that could have caused me to give up but I refused to, because I am a fighter. When I was told of the award I felt elated. I told my family members my few friends and church members. There were all happy for me. My dad heaved a sigh of relief saying, “Finally, you made me proud”. Dad saying this to me brought tears to my eyes. I felt accomplished. My mum was dancing around and singing our native songs.

When my name was called as the award winning best writer, I went out to the stage all jittery, I was dumbfounded, I was mesmerized, I was completely astonished; I can’t find the right word to say exactly how I felt. I was asked to give a speech and I said “our deepest fear is not that we are not adequate enough. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. We ask ourselves who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do so too”. I went on talking and inspiring people and turning them into optimists like myself. I also ended up inspiring myself too as I took my medal to my seat. My family and friends as well as church members took pictures with me. I felt on top of the world.

While I was in the taxi I was receiving different calls from different people. That was the day I realized that news spread like wild fire. People that snubbed me back then were all calling me to satisfy their curiosity. My so called friends on Facebook that never replied my messages were the ones now sending messages. My lecturers in school were calling to congratulate me. I just held my medal very close to my chest asking if it was all real. One hour later the taxi man was shaking me and waking me to consciousness. He was like “madam since you just dey sleep-talk. You just dey talk for your dream. Wake up oooo, na dream you dey dream”. I woke up with my hands still held tight to my chest; I looked around for my medal hoping that it was not a dream. I asked the driver “I carry any medal enter your taxi?” and he said “madam na only your bag you carry enter. You dey waste my time abeg”. That was when it all dawned on me that it had all been a dream.

I looked at the taxi man and wished he never woke me up. But then it is good that I woke up to reality. I can be what I want to be. I have no fear. And I believe that I am powerful beyond measure. I am brilliant; I am gorgeous, talented and fabulous. And this dream will come true, I am a fighter and I will fight till I get there. I kept encouraging myself until I got home.

Chinyere Okeke