Poverty, poor economy re-awake extravagant marriage discourse in South-South, South-East

…As govt, traditional councils, communities wade in

Governments in Eastern Nigeria, which is today called South-East and South-South, have battled rising pride price to no end, all in a determination to bring down spending to marry a wife and also to reduce the volume of unmarried women in society (what people jokingly call unsold).

The battle style of both the South-East and South-South appears alike for the mere reason that both were once under Eastern Region Government. Today, they are in 11 States.

The battle began with the 1956 law called ‘Limitation of Dowry Law of 1956’. This law capped bride price at equivalent of N60. What the ordinary folks knew was £3 (three pounds Sterling) as bride price.

This was pegged when returnees from the Burma war came with huge sums from their discharge payments. Most of them were ‘buying off’ newly married wives by refunding the fathers huge sums. This caused instability in homes in the region, thus need for laws. This was rampant in the present day Imo and Anambra States.

As new developments such as the Udoji Award of the early 1970s caused a spike in bride price in the region, some States reviewed their laws to peg bride price at N80,000 and total spending at N180,000.

After this phase, State Governments began to involve traditional rulers and community development committees in community-specific rules and their enforcements. That was how some towns in today’s Ebonyi such as Uburu and Ohaozara areas began to enforce the rules with greater success.

The major challenge of this law enforcement approach could be the fact that any law that does not derive from the moors of the people would likely be defeated because most persons would breach the laws without reprimand or arrest.

Investigations over the years reveal that it is the men the laws were intended to help that rather breach them.

For instance, most young men want to show that they have made it. They thus go the extra mile to lavish items and cash on parents of the ladies.

So, an elder stated, whereas the law would be there, the young people create their own parallel rules. Some belong to associations that must spray their member during traditional marriages They also have list of things to be done to them. By the time these self-imposed requirements were met, the event would be very ostentations and expensive. Same with burials.

It has been observed that most suitors pay the paltry fees in public and proceed to the backyard to pay huge sums.

The Riverine areas or Ijaw areas of South-South have many traditions and levels of ‘iria’ which require varying levels of traditional marriage often undertoned by boxes of expensive wrappers of George and Hollandis and lace blouses totaling almost N1m in some instances.

Often, such marriages are conducted when both man and wife are ready financially. At that point, the communities regard such marriages as final, that means, the wife is regarded as final partner to the man.

In the South-East, in recent years, young men began to stray abroad. Soon, names such as Okey Malaysia, Emeka China, John Dubai began to reign. These men would come home to marry and paint the town red. They broke all known laws on Dowry or Bride Price. The less endowed young men surely followed according to their capacities.

In the South-South, oil boom created a class of ‘oil boys’ who go offshore and to the rigs. When they show up for a man’s daughter, he considers himself made: cars, houses, education support, etc. Soon, ladies became golden articles for their parents. At this point, any laws on capping, statutory or customary, became relics of poverty for men who did not have money.

Most observers however say these expensive aspects do not stop two persons who want to marry. Whereas there are wives procured with millions of naira (and even dollars), there are ones married with a few hundred thousands of naira. There are some parents that ask the suitors to settle the kinsmen and go with their wives. Some men completely return the bride price as a sign of total welcome to the suitor. They say as long as both woman and man lived in peace and love, they would remember the gesture of the parents.

A hilarious angle may be that many girls simply take in for young men. At this point, any amount can do. Thus, what the law could not control, lovers accomplish it. After all, they say, some of those expensive marriages failed to produce any child.

But, quite a number new developments are catching up with this tradition as many States within the region are coming up with piece of legislation and understanding meant to curb extravagant marriages and allow lower and middle class young men to marry on time.

Akwa Ibom Assembly moves against costly marriage lists

In Akwa Ibom State, the State House of Assembly (AKHA) has called for the standardisation of bride prices and marriage requirements.

The the resolution, which was passed during plenary last week Thursday followed separate motions sponsored by lawmakers, designed to make traditional marriages more affordable.

Moving the first motion, Selina Ukpatu, representing Ikot Abasi/Eastern Obolo State Constituency, decried the increasing commercialisation of traditional marriage practices through exorbitant bride prices and excessive marriage lists.

She argued that while cultural traditions should be preserved, prevailing economic realities require reforms that would ease the financial burden on intending couples and encourage family formation.

The House consequently urged the Akwa Ibom State Traditional Rulers Council to review and standardise bride prices and marriage requirements across communities in the State.

Lawmakers also called on the Ministry of Local Government and Chieftaincy Affairs to collaborate with traditional institutions and Local Government Councils to ensure compliance with approved guidelines.

The Assembly further mandated its Committee on Culture and Tourism to engage stakeholders and develop recommendations for affordable and culturally acceptable marriage practices.

It also directed the Ministry of Information and the Akwa Ibom Broadcasting Corporation (AKBC) to embark on public enlightenment campaigns on the social and economic implications of excessive bride prices.

Bride price still under community control in Rivers

Communities in Rivers State have maintained control over what constitutes the bride price and the so-called marriage list, with little or no interference from government.

Each community, relying on ethnic traditions and customs, decides what is best suited for its people, with young couples and intending suitors made to “follow tradition.”

Martins Giadom, a native of Gokana in the Ogoni area of the state, said bride price and the amount suitors pay for the marriage list depend on the preferences of the people.

“In Ogoni, bride price is between N2,000 and N2,500, while items such as three goats are included in the list. But how much a suitor spends to complete his marriage depends on how flamboyant he wants it to be.

“He can spend as much as N2 million to satisfy his in-laws and friends, or he can quietly go in-house with his in-laws and spend less than N1 million. What is important are the libations and other traditional things,” he said.

Wenenda Weli, a native of Elibrada in Emohua Local Government Area, in the Ikwerre ethnic group, said bride price and the list are not high in his community..

“The list that was given to our in-law who is coming next week is not more than N100,000. I think the list has only four tubers of yam in it.

“Our list is less than the Ogbogoro list in Obio/Akpor LGA, which has about 20 tubers of yam,” he said.

Giadom and Wenenda separately agreed that bride price and the marriage list in Ogoni and Ikwerre ethnic groups are “nowhere near those in the riverine areas of the state.

Wenenda said, “Only wrappers and drinks can take the marriage list in the riverine areas to millions of naira. Fortunately, they have marriage stages for the poor, middle class and rich.”

He was referring to the ya, igwa and okuru kaka stages of marriage in Okrika areas of Rivers State.

The Okuru Kaka refers to the final or binding traditional marriage rite, where raffia is tied to symbolise the permanence of the union.

Bride price and the marriage list have remained largely a community and family affair in Rivers State.Some communities, such as Upata in Ahoada East Local Government Area in the Ekpeye ethnic group, have taken steps to limit bride price.

Most, however, have left its regulation to the elders of the community and the family.

Residents say no need for govt regulation of marriage lists in Delta

But, in Delta State, most indigenes say there is no need for the State Government to regularise marriage lists as according to them, they enjoy affordable marriage except when families and parties involved choose the extravagant way.

They rather want the State Government to give them good governance rather than going into regulating of marriage standard.

Daniel Chibuikem Anazia, Ifeanyi Olannye as well a married woman who would not want her name in print, in separate interviews with BusinessDay on Sunday, said what the State Government should do is to fix their roads and schools, give them electricity and provide enabling environment for businesses to thrive.

According to them, issue of housing is suffocating the citizens of the state as many are currently unable to afford decent housing because landlords, agents and lawyers are increasing the rents, caution fees and agent fees so astronomically.

“We will fix the problem of marriage for ourselves. Once you are able to be economically productive, be able to do your job, I think that marriage is a civil relationship”, said Anazia.

“The issue of standardising marriage should not be for state government’s intervention. The problem of the State Government is to fix our roads, fix our hospitals and our schools”, said the married woman and mother of two who wouldn’t want to be mentioned as she is a civil servant.

“Where I want the State Government to come in is to regularise the way burials are conducted by families, making things unaffordable but for marriage, it is individuals’ problem”, the woman who didn’t want her name in print, stated.

She however noted the fact that today, most marriages are crashing because people copy others and borrow monies for celebrations thereby plunging themselves into huge debts that could lead to disagreement and eventual crashing of such marriages.

This is happening everywhere, not just in Delta. It is not the government’s problem but individual’s problem.

In Bayelsa State, the issue of the exorbitance of the items listed by prospective in-laws as requirements for the marriage of their daughters has mixed application.

Although, all the items remain the same across all the Ijaw clans, as well as among the few Isoko communities, there are some omissions in some clans.

However, when compared to what used to obtain in the past, the present marriage lists make marriages to be quite expensive.

John Dubamo, who hails from Ekeremor Town in Ekeremor Local Government Area of Bayelsa State, said in his area, the groom is required to dress the parents of the bride.

The groom also has to pay some money as part of the bride price to the father, mother, uncle, aunt, siblings, men, women, and youth of the family, as well as some named items.

“You have to buy the father a walking stick, shoe, wrapper, hat and matching shirt. The same goes for the mother including handbag.

“Then you must pay money to both parents, uncle, aunt, siblings, community, men, women and youth of the family,” he said.

From his explanation, the total amount a groom is expected to spend on the marriage list could run into several hundreds of thousands before the actual marriage.

John said: “Some people complain that the money is too much, but you must do it because the parents took care of their daughter and they cannot just give her hand away.”