A healthy tease…

Born in 2003, YouTube sensation – Amber Kelley was teased in school about her healthy snacks, which sparked up her creative side with a phrase ‘Being healthy is cool.’ She was also partly inspired by her parents who are wellness coaches to start her cooking show. Amber later became famous with her cooking for children show and has featured on Jamie Oliver’s Food Channel.

She won the first season of Food Network Star Kids; she also won the healthy lunchtime challenge for Washington and was honoured at the kids’ state dinner at the White House. She was praised by first lady Michelle Obama for her work in healthy eating for children.

Now 19, Amber is a cookbook author, speaker, has her own web series on Food Network and has over 45,000 YouTube subscribers.

This all started because she was teased in school. On reflection, is there a real difference between teasing and bullying? The answer is Yes. Teasing and Bullying are different. Teasing in itself is not bad as it can be playful and even make children bond or discover their unique difference just like Amber did.

However, if teasing is done repeatedly with the intention to hurt, it can become bullying. This can be particularly misinterpreted with children who struggle with social skills where they do not understand social cues or how to respond to a tease.

Also, what is playful to one child may not be playful to another and in such instances, teasing can lead to hurt feelings.

Read also: So Fresh, Lagoon Hospitals partner to increase Nigerians access to healthy food

According to Freedman Judy, teasing can occur anywhere, and it is difficult to prevent it despite the best efforts of parents, teachers or school administrators. Parents cannot always protect children from these hurtful situations, but they can teach their children useful tips and strategies to help them deal with teasing.

Young children who learn these coping skills at an early age may be better prepared for more significant social challenges and conflicts in their pre-teen and teenage years. Children tease one another for many reasons ranging from seeking acceptance, peer pressure and misunderstanding individual differences.

While teasing cannot be prevented and it is impossible to control what others say, a parent can help children understand that they can handle it and focus on being around people who make them feel good. Parents can also teach these coping strategies to help their children when faced with a teasing situation with the acronym R.I.S.E.

R – Reflect & Reframe – Reflect on the tease and the intention of the teaser. Is the teaser your friend? Is he/she out to hurt you? Is the teasing done repeatedly? Is what he/she said true? Whose opinion is more important, the teasers or yours?

You could also reframe by changing your perception about the negative comment and turning it into a compliment. For instance, a child teases another child about his glasses by saying, “Four eyes, you have four eyes.” The child being teased could politely respond, “Thanks for noticing my glasses, are they nice?” When the teaser does not receive a reaction of annoyance or frustration, the teaser becomes confused and would see no point to continue teasing.

I – Use the ‘I’ message – Using the ‘I’ message helps children ward off controlling or manipulative behaviours. It is an assertive way of speaking up and standing for your rights without being aggressive or violating anyone else’s. An example of using the ‘I terms of speech could be “I feel upset when you talk about my glasses, and I want you to stop.”

Even though sometimes this doesn’t yield immediate result, it does yield results in the longer term and every child must learn to be assertive using a polite tone of voice while speaking, ensuring eye contact and a positive body language.

S – Seek help if the teasing is persistent – Because there is a fine line between teasing and bullying, a child should seek help when teasing becomes repeated, prolonged, embarrassing, results to threats or inappropriate physical contact. A child must seek the help of an adult immediately he/she senses such.

E – Escape and laugh it off – While one of the main ways to avoid being teased is staying away from people who tease you if you are not comfortable with it. Another way a tease can be toned down is with humour or laughter, especially when the child teased know the tease is not true.

From Amber’s story, she chose to channel her energy appropriately after being teased by reflecting and reframing and choosing to see that healthy is good.

What a healthy tease!