• Tuesday, December 05, 2023
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What happened to all the men?!


The title of my piece this week was informed by a cry of frustration uttered by Aderito Caldeira, a male journalist from Mozambique, after dinner at the Kitchen Bar in Sandton the last time I travelled to South Africa.

His exclamation tried to seek answer to the one million dollar question which had been playing on our minds since we landed on the shores of Mandiba’s country. We noticed that at every café, bar and kitchen women were seated around tables without any male companion. A kind of silent revolution, you’d agree?

Since we were from a rather conservative society, it was rather astonishing to see women seated around the table in like manner. It was unbelievable that they looked unperturbed and they did not consider their being together a sin like many of us would see it.

“Have you guys realised that women are all over the place here?” asked Aderito in furtherance to his earlier observation. “Yes, we have noticed it too,” replied Yemisi, another journalist from Nigeria. “It’s a revolutionary step against the male folk,” I added. “They are silently telling the world that they can do without the men.” “Yes, I agree with you,” said Yemisi.

Sincerely, I can’t blame some South Africa women, white, black or Afrikaan, with this kind of mindset. They must have been tired of the many lies told by some men. Some of men are just a pack of cheaters, liars and deceivers. Those women we saw seated at the table that evening must be saying no to the many flimsy excuses given by most men. For instance, they were probably fed up with men who wouldn’t pick their phones. And when they do they’d simply lied that they are in Makurdi whereas they are with some woman in Sokoto. They are tired of men who only see them as sex objects.

These women must have been through many psychological traumas and they must have been dealt a big blow by the lying nature of men. Hence they are not bothered if they are tagged lesbians even when they are not. It could be that they genuinely prefer the company a female friend to that of a male friend.

All they wanted, it seems, is a liberation from a world and society that had been silent about their woes. They believe if a man would not bring them joy, they’ll rather seek it elsewhere, in the bossom of a fellow woman. I’m not an advocate of lesbianism, don’t get me wrong. But some events must have forced some women to take the stance they now take on certain issues bothering on both sexes.

They just couldn’t stand the domineering nature of men who at times could be too selfish to consider a woman as being a fellow human being. Some men tend to treat a woman based on her feminity rather than the substance contained in her soul as a human being. For them, the categorisation between men and women should be based on sexism. They have forgotten that women, like men are human beings with souls. They feel hurt, they feel being discriminated against. They need joy, peace, happiness and power like the men. They want to be in control and take charge. They don’t want to be relegated to the background. They want to have a voice. They want to speak and be heard. No woman wants are words to fall to the ground when she speaks. An average woman does not want to be cheated on. She cannot stand sharing her man with another woman. An average man would tell you: “it’s a man’s world. It’s in the nature of men to date more than one woman.

It’s in the nature of the married ones to cheat on their wives.” But it’s a crime for a woman to date more than one man. It’s a taboo that must not be said on the rooftop! She is the only one who must adhere to the rule of one woman, one man but for the man it’s one man, many women. What a crazy world ours is!

Therefore, I salute the courage of those South African women and other women across the globe who are saying ‘no’ to a chauvinistic society that is too selfish and pretentious to pay attention to their anguish. Women are gradually coming out of their shells raising up the banner of freedom of expression and the freedom to chose where to be and with whom.

It’s not supposed to be a male-dominated world but one that should give room for both sexes to thrive without being sexist. It’s about a world full of human beings and not “males and females,” “he and she” to use those discriminatory words in the English language.

It’s all about a world populated by people who are selfless and willing to help one another. It’s about people respecting one another without any form of discrimination based on sex or colour. So that we all won’t go asking what happened to all the men?!


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