Should you die today, who will take care of your kids?

What a horrid thought! Try asking this question to Nigerians and they are likely to break into chants of prayer; you are not supposed to mention things like that. Does the thought of writing a will or any talk of death at all make you feel like you are courting or tempting fate? You better face the reality! Deciding on a legal guard- ian to care for your children if you should die, or worse still if your spouse or part- ner dies as well, is one of the most important decisions you will ever face as a par- ent. Don’t just assume that our extended family social system will make things easy and your mother or perhaps your brother will automati- cally take custody. Unless you specifically name a guardian in your will, a family mem- ber can step forward and the court will determine who is the most appropriate to per- form the role. Here are some issues to consider as you choose a guardian.

What is the guardian’s family situation?

How many children does your proposed guardian al- ready have and what are their ages? It would be ideal if the potential guardian has chil- dren of similar age to yours so that they grow up together. Do you wish for your child to be raised by a single sibling or friend, a single parent, a mar- ried couple with or without children? There are so many possible scenarios.

Where does the guard- ian live; is this in line with your plans for your children? The most likely thing to hap- pen is that your children will have to leave their home to move in with the guardian. Can their home accommo- date their family and yours? Will your child have to move far away from familiar friends and surroundings? Will your children be separated? Most important is for your child to be brought up in a warm nur- turing environment that is conducive for a child that has already been traumatised by such terrible loss.

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Do the guardian’s values and beliefs reflect yours?

If the potential guardian is already a parent, then you would have already observed the way they are bringing up their own children. What is their own background and how were they raised? Do their parenting style, values, and religious beliefs reflect yours? Granted that you can never find someone with exactly the same beliefs and standards as you, but what is their faith and what are their views on discipline, ethics, education, sports, music, and social values? Remember, this candidate is the person who you will be trusting to shape your children’s lives in your absence.

How old is the guardian?

An older guardian is more likely to be financially secure and thus able to afford to raise your children. Grand- parents are often an ideal choice particularly if they are well and strong,orrelatively young; they are also likely tohavethetimerequiredto properly oversea the child. If the guardian is too old how- ever, their state of health may become an issue and they may become ill or even die beforethechildrenbecome adults.

If you want your parents to be your child’s guardian, but fear that they will be too old as time goes by, you can spec- ify that they be designated guardians for a set period of time after which responsibil- ity can then pass to a younger person. Be conscious of the fact however, that a younger guardian, such as an adult sibling may be a student or may be too involved in be- ginning a career or starting a family to pay enough atten- tion to your children.

Guardians and money matters

It is important to consider a guardian’s financial situation.Practicalissuessuchas the guardian’s housing and transportsituation,foodand clothing, medical expenses and most importantly edu- cation, must be carefully thought through. Do they have a stable job and earn asteadyincome?Canthey comfortably cater for addi- tional mouths to feed?

Things could be awk- ward where the guardian is far less well off than you. If the guardian is experienc- ing financial difficulty or there isn’t enough money to go round, your child could be seen as a burden and the guardian may be tempted to turn to your assets for the whole family. Financial mat- ters, however, should not necessarily be your primary consideration and it would be a mistake to eliminate an ideal prospect from the list because you don’t think they have the financial where- withal to take care of your children. Remember, it is your responsibility to try to ensurethatraisingyourchild does not become a financial strain on a guardian.

One hopes that you have adequate life insurance, or have saved and invested and putawilloratrustinplace. With proper estate planning whilst you are alive, these issues would have been ad- dressed. A trust can hold the assets you pass to your children. It is a very flexible vehicle and allows you to leave specific instructions as to how trust funds should be applied. The trustee may thus be instructed to pro- vide financial assistance to the guardian to help offset the increased expenses, to extend their home or move to a larger home and pay for other incidentals, such as special tuition, medical bills and holidays.

On the other hand, if your child is entitled to much more than the children he or she lives with, this could also be an issue. For exam- ple, your intention may be for your child to go to a pri- vate school whilst the others don’t. If you can afford it, and the guardian is indeed the ideal choice, you could in the will make some provision for the guardian’s children so that the difference is not too glaring.

The simplest way to deal with money matters would be to give the guard- ian access to money when needed without having to go back and forth to a third party. But whilst someone might make an ideal guard- ian, they may not be so good with money. It may be that the best home for your children would be with your sister, yet your father may be the best person to make financial decisions. Ideally, one should have the children’s inheritance handled by a professional trustee; such a separation of roles will provide some checks and balances over how the money is spent. Remember to consider how well the guardian and trustee can work together as disagreements may arise from time to time.

Will the guardian accept this responsibility?

Guardianship is a huge responsibility, and not eve- ryone will feel able to take up such a role. Narrow your list down to a few key peo- ple, formally ask them and seek a firm response. As the years go by, revisit your es- tate plan, as chosen guard- ians may decline or may no longer be appropriate as circumstances change; perhaps, they have become too old or your relationship with them has changed. In your separate wills you and your spouse should name the same person as guardian and family members should be advised on your decision, to minimise the potential for conflict.

Remember, unless you name a guardian, it will be court’s role to appoint a fam- ily member who applies and whom it deems appropriate. Worse still, your children couldendupbeingdumped on someone whom you are not particularly fond of, or someone who is not keen on having them.