With sixty percent, you are good to go

I am not perfect in any way, nor are you. Honestly. However, after spending over forty years in the institution called marriage, I feel I have a few tips to share. Despite the treacherous floods in Maiduguri and the ongoing climate change challenges in Poland and parts of Eastern Europe, I’ve chosen to “go to Afghanistan” on this topic. The water levels, the devastation, and the displacement are heartbreaking to witness. Next week, I will stand with Maiduguri as the Federal Government, well-meaning Nigerians, and international organisations work to execute rescue plans for the government and good people of Borno State. We stand with Maiduguri and send our heartfelt condolences to my brother, H.E. Professor Zulum, in the wake of this unimaginable disaster.

Today, I want to address an issue frequently brought up in discussions about choosing a life partner: percentages. Often, young ladies approach me in public places or private meetings, eager to know what qualities and percentages they should look for when seeking a partner for life. This column is essentially a summary of my response to most of those inquiries. What constitutes a “FAIL” when choosing a life partner? What percentage signals potential for growth? What is the ideal percentage that reflects a good man, woman, or companion? The truth is, the answers are not set in stone.

Here’s my take: if you find a man or woman who is 60%, go for it. Let me be clear—people can hardly change beyond 10%. So, if you start with 60%, over time you can potentially bring your partner to 70%. But understand that this 10% improvement could take up to 10 years. You might be fortunate enough to achieve it within five years, but it will happen eventually. And believe me, 70 percent is already a pass mark. The problem today is that we’re all searching for a partner who is 100 percent, yet none of us are perfect. No one is!

Marriages are falling apart these days because many young people are seeking life partners who are finished products. But there’s no such person. You and your partner should grow together, stumble together, and stand up together. As Ibukun Awosika, the former chairperson of First Bank, once said, you can’t marry a party animal—someone with whom you partied for two years during courtship—and expect him to change once you’re married. You married a party animal, so what do you expect?

Read also: Courtship mistakes that affect marriages

To me, you must take your partner, who is essentially a stranger, and work on the relationship. You didn’t grow up in the same household, so you’ll both be learning about each other for years. Expecting a perfectly packaged partner with the ideal career, luxury cars, mansions, and a fat bank account is unrealistic. There’s nothing wrong with wanting a partner with these qualities, but you must understand that marriage isn’t always a bed of roses.

Recently, a young friend of mine confided that despite having everything she could ask for in a marriage, she felt trapped. She had no voice, wasn’t her own person, and couldn’t go out freely. This highlights the importance of finding someone who allows you to grow and express yourself within the marriage.

Your job is to recognize when you’ve found a 60 percent partner and not to legislate an ideal based on superficial qualities like height, skin tone, or appearance. Your perfect partner might not be tall, dark, and handsome—he might be fair and not so tall. Remember to pray and trust the process. Good luck!

Enough said!