Leadership is not for the faint of heart, but it becomes infinitely harder when you are unsure of who you are. In a world where titles and positions often dictate how we see ourselves, it is easy to lose sight of our true identity. For leaders, this can be devastating. A leader who doesn’t know who they are will inevitably struggle to lead others with clarity and confidence. The question isn’t just “What makes a great leader?” but “What happens when a leader’s identity is misplaced?”
At the core of effective leadership lies a stable sense of self. Identity, how you see yourself and how you believe others see you, directly shapes your ability to lead. Psychologists like Erik Erikson and Carl Jung have long debated the complexities of identity, but their conclusions boil down to this: Identity is foundational. It influences your confidence in decision-making, your resilience under pressure, and your ability to inspire others.
However, identity is not static. It evolves as life circumstances shift. As a leader, your sense of self is constantly tested by success, failure, and even the expectations of others. This flux can lead to an “identity crisis,” especially when your sense of worth becomes tied to external achievements or titles. The danger is real: When leaders don’t know who they are, they may become overly defensive, excessively people-pleasing, or, conversely, domineering.
A leader’s identity isn’t just a philosophical construct; it has practical implications. For instance, leaders who base their identity on their title are often paralysed when that title is threatened. Similarly, those who lead from a place of insecurity may overcompensate by seeking validation in all the wrong places, such as performance metrics, accolades, or the approval of others. The consequences are far-reaching, impacting not just the leader but the entire organisation they serve.
How do you practically shed false identities?
1. Ground yourself on purpose, not position
Your role or title is what you do, not who you are. True leadership flows from a purpose that transcends any job description. Reflect on questions like, “Why do I lead?” and “What impact do I want to leave behind?” Purpose gives you stability when circumstances change, helping you lead authentically regardless of your position.
2. Identify and resist identity traps
Leaders often fall into three common identity traps:
Multiple passports: Adopting a persona to fit different audiences, losing authenticity in the process.
The fake ID: Pretending to have it all together, even when you are struggling, creates internal anxiety and distrust among your team.
Misrepresented weight: Overemphasise strengths while downplaying growth areas.
Resist these traps by being honest about your strengths and weaknesses. Authenticity fosters trust, the cornerstone of leadership.
3. Anchor yourself in core values
Your priorities shape your identity. As Kurt Vonnegut said, “We are human beings, not human doings.” Before leaders focus on what they do, they must clarify who they are. Spend time reflecting on your core values and how they align with your leadership decisions.
4. Surround yourself with trusted advisors
The people you allow into your inner circle profoundly shape your identity. Trusted mentors and peers can offer perspective, helping you navigate moments of doubt. Seek relationships that challenge you to grow while affirming your unique gifts.
The danger is real: When leaders don’t know who they are, they may become overly defensive, excessively people-pleasing, or, conversely, domineering.”
5. Embrace vulnerability
Pretending to be perfect is exhausting and counterproductive. Leaders who are open about their struggles often inspire others to do the same. Vulnerability isn’t weakness; it’s a mark of strength and self-awareness.
Consider the story of Jason Bourne from The Bourne Identity. Bourne’s crisis stemmed from a lack of clarity about who he was. Similarly, leaders often find themselves flipping through “multiple passports,” trying to adapt to expectations instead of leading authentically. This instability creates confusion for both the leader and those they serve. The solution is to return to foundational truths: What are your God-given talents, and how can you use them to serve others?
How do you build a secure identity in leadership?
1. Know your “5 Ps” of identity
Past: Reflect on how your upbringing, culture, and experiences shape your worldview.
People: Recognise the influence of those around you. Do they affirm or distort your identity?
Personality: Embrace your innate strengths and address growth areas without shame.
Purpose: Anchor your leadership in a calling that transcends titles and circumstances.
Priorities: Align your actions with the values you claim to hold dear.
2. Practice emotional intelligence:
Self-awareness is a critical component of leadership. When leaders are secure in their identity, they can process emotions like anger or insecurity without letting them dominate their interactions. Emotional intelligence enables leaders to navigate conflict with grace and build stronger relationships.
Lean into faith:
For faith leaders, identity is deeply rooted in being created in the image of God. As Genesis reminds us, we are human beings before we are human doings. This perspective fosters humility and courage, allowing leaders to serve from a place of security and trust in God’s sovereignty.
In a culture obsessed with performance and position, it is easy for leaders to lose themselves in the demands of the role. But leadership is not about what you do; it’s about who you are. Authentic leadership requires a clear and secure identity, rooted in purpose, values, and faith. By reclaiming your identity, you free yourself from the pressure to pretend, allowing you to lead with integrity and inspire others to do the same. As you reflect on your leadership journey, ask yourself: Am I leading from a place of authenticity, or am I trapped by a mistaken identity? The answer to that question will determine your legacy not just as a leader, but as a person.
About the author:
Dr Toye Sobande is a strategic leadership expert, lawyer, public speaker, and trainer. He is the CEO of Stephens Leadership Consultancy LLC, a strategy and management consulting firm offering creative insight and solutions to businesses and leaders. Email: [email protected]
Join BusinessDay whatsapp Channel, to stay up to date
Open In Whatsapp
