I was not stingy; I was broke. Comfort may not understand why I did not show up on her birthday. Yes! I ghosted her on her big day. It was my golden chance after one year of talking. Before that day, she claimed that my presence was enough of a birthday gift, but how do I show up on her birthday with a bouquet of excuses?
How would a guy who depends on free rides by flapping his fingers at the bus-stop afford a cinema ticket? I would rather maintain my steeze by staying indoors than show up empty.
I was merging a part-time job off campus with my academics to survive. It was difficult to budget for a relationship during that phase of my life because sapa wouldn’t just let me breathe. My meagre salary could barely take care of my needs. The money I earned was plunged into building my small business. Comfort was beautiful and of a good character, but initiating a relationship with her was the wrong timing for me.
Why would someone who is financially dependent or struggling to take care of their basic needs prioritise a relationship with the hope of finding an ‘understanding’ partner? Money is not everything and it does not guarantee a lasting relationship but a relationship is more enjoyable when both parties are financially stable.
Financial stability influences the overall relationship dynamics. No matter how non-materialistic, understanding, rich or undemanding your partner may be, when you are intentional about someone you love, you need to show ‘workings’ sometimes, not mere words of mouth always.
Should every broken person stay away from relationships? Not every struggling person may be lucky to find a supportive partner to grow with them from scratch. For some, they may need to build financial stability before adding more variables, else relationships may be a distraction to achieving financial stability. Relationships can be a heavyweight for people who are below the ladder of financial stability.
On the other hand, financial stability and relationships are mutually exclusive. Whether or not you choose to be in a relationship should not stop you from focusing on your financial stability goals. Nevertheless, anyone who cannot comfortably take care of their basic needs may be worse off being in a relationship.
Once in a while, you may need to spice up your relationship with dinner dates and gifts. How long will you give tenable excuses? Gone are the days when one partner bears all the financial burdens in a relationship. The current economic situation is changing that narrative. With the current price of flour, one partner cannot be the sole breadwinner again. Every partner must contribute to digging the gold.
Financial stability doesn’t mean you are a billionaire or ready-made. It is not about material wealth. It is about the peace of mind and security that comes with it. It is difficult to channel your strength into a relationship when you are still worried about where your next meal will come from. Being happy in a relationship is almost impossible when you are distressed about your house rent. The relationship will be full of unnecessary quarrels and you will keep dumping your frustration on your innocent partner.
Read also: Love and Money: How finances can make or break relationships
Two drivers without fuel in their buses will be stranded, irrespective of their personality or character. In every relationship, love is the engine and money is the fuel (especially in a long-distance relationship). “I love you for who you are” may never be enough. Money gives you the ability to do more for your partner.
Emotional compatibility, communication, shared values and mutual respect are primary determinants while financial stability is a secondary factor when choosing a partner. However, financial stability makes you able to select your partner objectively and not for what you can get from them.
It is easier for you to exit a toxic relationship when you are not at the mercy of your partner financially. As long as you are financially dependent on your partner, you may never see the red flag even with your eyes wide open. More so, poverty will test the integrity of your relationship.
Would you still be with your current partner if you had the financial success you desired? Many people choose their partner based on their current financial status and thereafter switch as soon as they move up financially. You were never their spec; you were only the available one during the broken stage of their life. You were only being ‘managed’ as a placeholder. Financial instability limits your choice and makes you select a partner based on your circumstances.
If you cannot manage the demands of a relationship while securing the bag, you need to smartly choose your focus. Get your finances together first before entering a serious relationship.
Kingsley Ndimele is a Financial Economist and Business Consultant.
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