As Valentine’s Day approaches, many of us will be swept off in the excitement of grand gestures of love. However, I invite you to shift your focus to something even more profound and essential: self-love. This powerful concept of love, the bedrock of major faiths and beliefs, which was also profoundly explored by thinkers such as Aristotle and Plato, is fundamentally about developing a healthy, loving relationship with yourself, as it engenders peaceful and beautiful coexistence with other people.
Self-love is the foundation upon which all other relationships are built, including those with yourself and others. Cultivating a deep and abiding love for yourself makes you more confident, compassionate, and empathetic. You’re better equipped to navigate life’s challenges and form meaningful connections. On the other hand, people who struggle with self-trust and self-love often find it challenging to express affection towards others, including their own children.
The wisdom of the saying “you can’t give what you don’t have” holds true here. You cannot share love with others if your reservoir is empty. This is why the holy book commands us to “love our neighbours as ourselves. If you have cultivated self-love, you are then equipped to extend genuine love to others.
So, what exactly is love? Love is a complex and multifaceted emotion deeply intertwined with our feelings, thoughts, and experiences. It’s an emotion that can be manifested through our actions, interactions, and relationships. In the context of self-love, it means accepting and embracing yourself as you are, flaws and all. It means recognising your strengths, weaknesses, passions, and fears and loving yourself unconditionally.
This journey of self-awareness and self-love requires introspection, reflection, and a willingness to explore your inner world. It involves recognising the qualities to admire in oneself and acknowledging those aspects one wishes to improve on while accepting them nonetheless. Embarking on this journey reveals subtle changes in one’s emotional, physical, and mental states. It makes one more attuned to the needs, desires, and values, prompting the individual to take action that nurtures overall well-being.
Self-love is a powerful practice that guides everyone to understand their purpose and place in the grand scheme of things (the world). It inspires us to strive towards becoming the best version of ourselves and empowers us to make choices that align with our values and aspirations. Without a foundation of self-love, it can be overwhelming to identify your needs, let alone treat yourself with the kindness, compassion, and understanding you deserve.
Consider the difficulty of showing empathy or kindness to another person when you’re struggling to extend those same qualities to yourself. You’re not unkind at heart; you may not have learnt how to express love effectively. This is where self-love comes in—by cultivating a deep and abiding love for yourself, you’ll become more confident, compassionate, and empathetic and better equipped to form meaningful connections with others.
As you embark on this journey of self-discovery, take time to reflect on your thoughts, feelings, and experiences. Ask yourself questions like, Who am I, at my core? What passions drive me? What brings me joy and fulfilment? What are my values and aspirations? What kind of relationships do I want to cultivate in my life?
As you explore these questions and deepen your understanding of yourself, you’ll cultivate a more loving and compassionate relationship with yourself. You’ll become more confident, empathetic, authentic, and better equipped to form meaningful connections. Remember, self-love is essential because cultivating a deep and abiding love for yourself will make you a brighter, more loving, and more compassionate presence in the world.
Noting that self-awareness is the foundation of self-love, we can cultivate a deeper and more loving relationship with ourselves through this understanding of ourselves. When we’re aware of our thoughts, emotions, and behaviours, we can begin to accept ourselves for who we are, flaws and all. This acceptance fosters self-love by allowing us to appreciate ourselves rather than trying to change or hide our imperfections.
As we develop self-awareness, we also become more compassionate towards ourselves. We learn to treat ourselves with kindness, understanding, and patience, just as we would a close friend. This self-compassion enables us to forgive ourselves for our mistakes and shortcomings rather than beat ourselves up. We can practice self-forgiveness and stop self-criticism by acknowledging and learning from our experiences.
Self-awareness also helps us identify our needs and desires, allowing us to prioritise self-care and nurture our well-being. Understanding what makes us tick will enable us to make choices that align with our values and aspirations, leading to a more fulfilling and meaningful life. This, in turn, boosts our confidence and self-esteem as we recognise our strengths, accomplishments, and resilience.
Furthermore, self-awareness enables us to recognise our limits and establish healthy boundaries. By prioritising our own needs and desires, we demonstrate self-love and self-respect. This, in turn, helps us cultivate more positive and loving relationships with others, as we can communicate our needs and boundaries more effectively.
Ultimately, self-awareness catalyses personal growth. By understanding ourselves better, we can identify areas for improvement and work on self-development. This journey of self-discovery and growth cultivates a more loving and compassionate relationship with ourselves as we learn to appreciate our unique strengths, weaknesses, and quirks. Through self-awareness, we can develop a deeper and more loving relationship with ourselves, leading to a more fulfilling and meaningful life.
Call to Action
Kindly answer these questions truthfully to know who you are or have become. They are not exhaustive but guiding yet thought-provoking to discover and acquaint yourself with who you indeed are. Who are you? What drives you, or what are you passionate about? What do you enjoy eating? What makes you happy or smile? Where is your happy place? What are your favourite things? What kind of music do you love listening to? What makes your day great? What’s your beauty staple? What’s your best way to spend N50,000? Which part of your daily routine is your favourite? What indulgence can you never forgo? What’s your favourite spot where you live or work? Do you know why? What inspires you? Who is your favourite individual? What can’t you do without?
Having read this article and thoughtfully and truthfully answered the “Know Thyself questions. How well do you know yourself now? How do you intend to practice self-love? Kindly share your thoughts on the shared “Know Thyself Questionnaire” via email to [email protected]. How has it helped you think deeply to find yourself?
Olayinka Opaleye is a Personal Wellbeing Specialist and Corporate Wellness Strategist. She can also be reached via email: [email protected], on +234 8100371304 or by clicking on www.linkedin.com/in/olayinkaopaleye.
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