The specific day may have passed but no one can begrudge men an extended celebration
The International Men’s Day (IMD) was celebrated across the world on 19 November. Expectedly, it was lowkey; there was little fuss about the date and a lot less celebration compared to the International Women’s Day (IWD) celebrated every 8 March. And by the way, unlike the IWD, the IMD does not enjoy an official recognition from the United Nations – talk about gender bias!
The stated aims of IMD are: To focus on men’s health and wellbeing: social, emotional, physical, and spiritual; to promote positive male role models; not just movie stars and sports men but every day, working-class men who are living decent, honest lives; to create a safer, better world, where people can be safe and grow to reach their full potential; to celebrate men’s positive contributions to society, community, family, marriage, child care, and the environment; to highlight discrimination against men in areas of social services, social attitudes and expectations, and law; and to improve gender relations and promote gender equality.
Why we must slow down and celebrate
The need by IMD to focus on men’s health and wellbeing: social, emotional, physical, and spiritual is particularly important. When it comes to health and wellbeing men are endangered species, as several studies have shown.
Available statistics worldwide showed that though women have higher suicidal thoughts than men, men are three times more likely to die from suicide; that is, three in every four suicide deaths are men, what is termed the ‘gender paradox of suicide’. The World Health Organisation revealed that 700,000 people die annually from suicide. Of those numbers, over 520,000 are men. The figure in Nigeria is four times, as research has shown that over 80% of reported suicide deaths are men. Other sobering facts about men include the fact that globally, women have a higher life expectancy rate; men die 4-5 years before women. In Nigeria, for instance, the 2023 life expectancy rate for men was 61.79 years and 64 years for women. Dr. Robert H. Shmerling, writing in Harvard Health blog in 2020 said there was a five-year age gap between when men die and when women die in the US. Men suffer more from heart attacks and lung cancer than women. And the list goes on and on.
Indeed, many factors are responsible for this, including a higher rate of risk taking, economically and socially; the tendency for men to be less open about their struggles hence fewer supportive structures around them; the need to project strengthen even when weak, which often prevent them from seeking medical help, among other reasons. Even the muffled celebration of the IMD speaks to why men die earlier. The celebrations were not marked by the funfair you would experience during IWD. Men just tend to bottle it up and continue on the fast lane of life.
The celebration should be all-year round
In Nigeria, I think such opportunities to really roll out the drums for men should not be waved away lightly or ignored. The Q2 2023 employment-to-population ratio data released by the National Bureau of Statistics showed that “79.3% of men and 74.9% of women in Nigeria’s working-age population were employed”, meaning that both men and women are almost equally engaged in employment. But for cultural reasons, men are still largely expected to provide almost all of the family’s financial needs. Even in homes where women earn higher salaries than the men, the man is still expected to be the key provider. This tends to put unnecessary strain on the men, making them to sometimes take on risks that they ordinarily shouldn’t even consider. If we add that to the grinding economic situation, men are in a precarious position in the country.
In many homes today, the men have virtually given up, happily handing over their roles as head of the family to the womenfolk. This is causing so much bad blood in many homes. But for the many that still manage to take care of their homes, in spite of the harsh economic realities, I think a little celebration here and there is in order.
November 19 may have passed, but responsible men should be celebrated all-year round. Our women and children need to show us more love throughout this month and beyond. Thankfully, this is the Christmas season when appreciations are shown and received through gifting and expression of gratitude.
Are you a positive role model?
This period should also be one of deep introspection for the men. We need to ask ourselves if we are leading our families well. Are we hands-on parents and husbands or are we like those who equate raising a well-balanced family to just financial provision? The theme for this year’s IMD was ‘Positive Male Role Models’. Are we teaching our children virtuous living? Are we showing great examples to them on how to live right? We must know that it is not enough to provide financially for the home. What economic, social and spiritual values are we bequeathing our children? We certainly don’t want to breed unruly children and social deviants due to lack of adequate attention from us.
Through our actions or inactions, are we creating a safer and better society for our children to grow up in? Do we lend a voice to societal issues? Do we give our time to community service, something that will benefit not just our families but everyone in our community? Are we showing enough empathy and the willingness to help raise others up as best as we are able?
Health, remember, is wealth
It is also critical at this time to manage our health, starting with our lifestyles and regular health checks. How healthy are you? These are tough times and so many men are almost busting at the seams from too much pressure from family, friend, and the society. Whoever says it is unmanly to cry. Please shed a tear or two, if you have to, when you feel overwhelmed. There is nothing unmanly about that. And most importantly make friends with your doctor rather than seek to avoid him or her, especially when you are 40 years and over. There are so many silent killers these days: high blood pressure; high cholesterol; high sugar levels; and many other highs that could kill us without notice.
We need to complete our tasks
It would be a great disservice to our children, wives, loved ones, and our community to die untimely, prematurely, especially when it could have been avoided, leaving our children at the mercy of a harsh uncaring world without the safety net that we provide. My Yoruba people have an adage: “Ibere ki se onise, a fi eni ti o ba fi oriti titi de opin.” Loosely translated it means, finishing a task is more important, more edifying than starting it. Put differently, it is one who finishes a task that is deserving of praise; this simply means we need to persevere and with God on our side finish strong.
To all men who have started the great work of raising wonderful families, contributing to their community, and helping to ensure a safe and secure society, you must complete the tasks to be deserving of praise; don’t die on the job.
As we look forward to a rewarding close of the year, let me use this opportunity to wish my fellow men HAPPY INTERNATIONAL MEN’S DAY. We are heroes!
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