Domestic violence has become a common menace affecting family life in marriage contexts, globally. It is like a deadly virus with devastating consequences, even for generations yet unborn. Every child that witnesses domestic violence perpetrated against either parent or in some cases guardian, is a potential abuser, and every partner that is violated in a marriage holds high chances of also meting out violence on another person.
Globally, domestic violence is regarded as a criminal offense and its perpetrators are liable to prosecution. With key focus on Nigeria, this article discusses domestic violence that is perpetrated within family settings, with men as victim.
In Nigeria, cases of domestic violence have remained on the increase with no sign of abating anytime soon. However, females have been regarded as more victims with little or no media reportage or attention to males who experience violence in Nigerian marriage contexts. This may be attributed to seemingly high ignorance of the multifarious dimensions of domestic violence beyond its physical manifestations. More devastating forms of violence in marriages may be more psychological, than physical, in effect. So, when not reported it goes unnoticed, and even when noticed, it fails to be counted. It is necessary to examine the various dimensions that domestic abuses can take. This will highlight the vulnerability of men as victims of domestic violence in Nigeria.
Violence could take the form of embarrassment – e.g making caricature of one’s spouse in the presence of family members or friends; blaming him for personal feelings, actions or inactions; making him feel incapable of making wise decisions; relegating a spouse’s achievement or accomplishments; intimidating or threatening a spouse to gain compliance; making a spouse feel there is no way out of the relationship; sexual manipulation; preventing a spouse from doing things they ordinarily prefer, abandoning a spouse or restricting his freedom due to a fight, monitoring a spouse’s movement, physical assault, as well as other actions that can hinder the exercise of full rights.
With men increasing on the receiving side, media attention and scholarly research are gradually beginning to report how men suffer domestic violence, being a rising malady that Nigerian men are beginning to live with in marriage and family contexts. This manifests in different ways, given the patriarchal nature of the Nigerian society. For instance, wives who are physically or emotionally stronger than their husband may deploy such advantages to mete violence to their husbands, by way of forcefully demanding expected respect.
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Financially independent, “bread winning”, or women of influence or high networks may also relegate their husbands to the background when it comes to family decision processes. In this way a husband begins to develop feelings of being less important and then, psychologically traumatised. Women, like men, sometimes deploy sex as a tool for spousal control, against the patriarchal norm that places men in control. Under manifestation of these manners, many men suffer in domestic violence in silence, which even makes it more devastating on them.
This explains rising reportage on Nigerian media outlets, on men who lose their lives to violent acts such as murder by their wives; houses set ablaze by wife, with husband locked in. Cases of men being poisoned, cutting off of men’s genitals, and pouring of hot water or acid on husband are other incidences of men’s violation that have been reported by various media in Nigeria.
It is important to understand that domestic violence is not a problem of gender. Anyone can be abused just as anyone can also be an abuser. Following the decay in morality as well as failure to understand the true meaning of love and the essence of marriage, family life is endangered by domestic violence and its perpetrators. With men and women as possible victims, there is, therefore, an urgent need for increased sensitization of the public on domestic violence and possible ways of engagement; for reconciliation or prosecution. This will not only be beneficial to victims but also abusers, to ensure a secure society is achieved through protection of family life.
As ever espoused by the Institute for Work and Family Integration (IWFI), better families are necessary for achieving better businesses, communities and societies. Given the clog that domestic violence constitutes to the wheel of such achievement, it is important to contain the tide of the menace on the life of men, as well as women in the Nigerian society.
