Avoid blowback effects of vulnerability with braving

We must have heard statements like these countless times: “Fake it till you make it’ or “Not looking like what we’ve been through.” These interesting expressions are just a few responses to the shame or retribution that comes with vulnerability.

As the concept of vulnerability continues to gain significant attention globally, it is essential to acknowledge the potential risks and challenges associated with it, especially in the workplace. Several psychology and human development forerunners, such as Carl Rogers, Harry Stack Sullivan, Erik Erikson, James Pennebaker, Dan Goleman, and Shelley Taylor, were well ahead of Brene Brown. However, her extensive work from 2000 to date, which focused on shame, vulnerability, wholeheartedness, daring greatly, embracing uncertainty, and living with vulnerability, has been pivotal to reawakening this aspect of human connection. Regardless of the amount of attention and well-intended attendant effects it hoped to achieve, the concept has become the foundation of some people’s undoing. This is why there is a need to be aware of its dark side, which I would like to refer to as vulnerability blowback. It may interest you that these blowback effects have been explored in Harvard Business Review, Forbes, and The Journal of Applied Psychology, which testifies to their actual existence, hence the need to tread with caution whenever you feel like being vulnerable.

To those wondering what this concept is all about, let me start by defining it. Vulnerability is the willingness to take emotional risks, be open, and be willing to surrender control despite uncertainty, potential harm, or rejection to build meaningful connections, foster growth, and cultivate authenticity. This control may be over our emotions, keeping certain things to ourselves, or revealing hard truths about our circumstances. The intriguing thing about this concept is that it reveals what may never be out there in the open if you never shared it, which brings us to the intention or rationale behind being vulnerable.

Why would anyone want to be vulnerable with deep and personal stuff, especially in this social media world where millions of people can easily judge you? After all, we all practise one form of vulnerability or the other daily, either by quick personal check-in with ourselves or family members. Here is why. Therefore, vulnerability should be a tool for brokenness or humility, encouragement, and inspiration. This means that if you are not there yet, continue to wake up, make up, and show up until your time to truly shine comes. Vulnerability is delicate, and its intricacies can make it rather technical in the workplace.

I’ve encountered instances where confiding in a coworker hinders their progress. As much as I don’t want to discourage practising this form of openness, let me re-use Brene Brown’s BRAVING acronym to give tips on how to forge ahead with it.

Boundaries: Establish clear limits and expectations to protect yourself from exploitation, lack, or harm. Being open or sharing personal stories without setting boundaries is a recipe for disaster, especially at work or on social media. Take time to think through the limits to which you can share without giving an opportunity for resentment, condemnation, undue exposure, or outright exploitation.

Retrospect: Reflect on past experiences, including reactions from loved ones, to inform and improve future vulnerability. Take a breather and reflect on past experiences after sharing personal thoughts, stories, or insights to recall the other party’s reactions days, months, or years later. If you suffered retribution even from a loved one, then you may want to reassess what is to be shared or simply let it pass.

Aim: Clarify your intentions, goals, and target to ensure this form of openness is purposeful and directed to the right audience or person. Aimless sharing just for the sake of sharing is utterly worthless to the recipient and more costly to you.