I almost didn’t relate well with my in-laws after getting married, I used to enjoy my space and personal life. Later, I realized that my simple nature of wanting to spend time in my own space may rub off as pride or non-welcoming.
I also understand that there are people who nurse a wrong mindset about in-laws based on what has been portrayed in movies and society hence there could be a posture of hesitance while approaching marriage. Every family has its cultural views and beliefs and while you may not agree with some of them, it is important to learn more about your in-laws before cleaving. You are not just marrying their child, you are also embracing a new family. If certain things are a red flag for you and your spouse does not understand how to set boundaries, that could in turn destroy the peace of your home if not well managed.
Here are few ways to manage your in-laws well.
1. STUDY YOUR IN-LAWS AND THEIR BELIEFS:
Some families have certain beliefs that guide their way of life and they expect that every new addition into their family must imbibe their culture especially from the male family. In some families, a wife is expected to respect the younger ones and this can play out in a way that the wife calls every young sibling and cousins with respect, an example is a wife calling a 5 year old girl – sister Jane. For a generation Z personality, this may sound odd but I always tell singles to use their dating season to ask questions about the family of their partner beyond wishing that emotions will solve issues. If that is what is done there, wisdom says you should decide if this is a lifestyle you can follow. If you are choosing to be different then your partner must be on your side to enforce it, if not, you will simply be a rebel inviting trouble into your home.
Read also: Teaching your children to show kindness during conflicts
2. CREATE THE RIGHT IMPRESSION BY UNDERSTANDING AND LOVING YOUR IN-LAWS:
There could be certain things your in-law does that has become a culture. For instance, your mother in-law can be the calling type. She may be used to calling her family frequently to check up on their welfare and health. When a new wife comes in, she can extend this to her and she would expect that you reciprocate also, while you have difficulty with calling, it is wisdom to set a pace that works. You can choose to call once or twice rather than insisting not to call till when you feel like. Some issues can be resolved with wisdom.
Understand their love language and speak it in creative ways. If she enjoys quality time, audio and video calls can be a great way to bond while visitation can be random. Some of these things can be studied as you relate with them but more will be learnt from your partner through questioning.
3. SET APPROPRIATE BOUNDARIES
While relating with your in-laws, it is important to be kind but still maintain certain boundaries. Mind what you say, do or allow so that familiarity does not set in. the way you present yourself will determine how they respect you.
You and your spouse should also agree on how you relate with them so that every decision is mutual in your relationship with your in-laws.
What if your in-laws do not like you? Find out why and create a right impression. Deal with the issues and let your partner project you positively.
The wisdom here is that your own in-law may have issues with you from the beginning but allow God to show you the path of wisdom. Find out the way to their heart and also work on your mindset. Pride and negative behaviour will only land you in trouble.
As a man, it is very important that you cleave with your wife and also protect her. If you allow your family to disrespect her, you have truly failed in protecting your home. You need wisdom especially if your mother is overbearing. My mother-in-law tells me that my husband will never permit any of them to disrespect me including herself, can you imagine her saying that? That must have come from the way he has handled some matters in the past.
Now, what will you start doing? What is your takeaway? What are your struggles with your in-law? Let us talk about it. If you need help navigating, do send an email to [email protected]
