The mistake that ruined my life

One of the most difficult things to think about in life is one’s regrets. I made a mistake I regret and I’ll continue to regret that mistake until the earth stops turning.
My name is Anna Samuel. I’m the second child in a family of five children. Born on the 5th of May 1987, I grew up in a Christian home where my siblings and I were taught never to compromise on our values.
I attended the best primary school and secondary in town because my Dad knew the importance of giving children the best education. He always said that was all he owed us and I never made him feel he was putting his money inside a pocket with a hole because my results in school were always exceptionally good.
After my primary school, my Dad felt boarding school would do me a whole lot of good but my days as a boarding school student did not last long. My Dad withdrew me from school the moment he learnt that men had the habit of sneaking into female hostels to spend some time with their girlfriends. My Dad feared that the men would get bored of their female friends one day and decide to feast on his precious daughter.
We had this curfew hours that was okay at some point but became quite annoying when I became a full blown adult. Once it was 6pm and you were outside, my Dad would lock the gate. He locked my elder brother out once and later let him in only to whip the hell out of him.
I applied to study Electrical and Electronics Engineering at the University of Benin and was offered admission. The night before I left for the university, my parents summoned me to their room. It was kind of a ritual my parents engaged in before releasing their children to the world.
Immediately I sat down, my Mum began, “We have done the best we can for you all these years and we would never stop doing that but you must not disappoint us. You must realize that you have younger ones who are looking up to you. One wrong step from you and you might end up ruining their lives as well. So, you see why you must be very careful? Your life is the only bible they are reading right now.”
My Dad just sat staring into space. I tried to imagine what he was thinking about but that was pretty difficult because his face was expressionless. Could he be thinking of someone to assign the job of monitoring his daughter to see that she does not derail?
My Mum went on saying that I have to comport myself very well in school and never on any account should I forget where I was coming from or decide to throw away all I’ve learnt from them over the years. She paused and looked at me as if she was expecting to get a response from me.
When my Dad was sure his wife was done talking, he clear his throat and said, “Most girls from good homes get into the university and turn into wild animals. It’s heartbreaking; I don’t want you to be like one of them. We will do our best to provide everything you need but you must promise us that you’ll remain chaste.”
It was his time to stare at me and his gaze lingered longer than necessary and then he said in a loud voice, “Stay away from men! You don’t need them for now until you’re done with school. If you must keep female friends, as usual, your mum and I must be in the know.”
He continued dishing out more pieces of advice and my mum interjected from time to time. I kept giving them a nod until I felt my head was going to fall off. I also told them that I had no plans of walking away from all they have taught me as they remain my guiding principles in life.
As I sat there listening to my parents, all I wanted to do was sleep and look fresh for tomorrow, not get to school with dark circles round my eyes. I was tired of being caged like a dog, and I needed a breath of fresh air. Not that I wanted to go wild as my father said, I just wanted some space. When they were done with the ‘advisory section’, my mum prayed for me and I retired to bed.
Life in the university was fun as I expected and I loved the freedom but I never for once abused it. I adopted the triangular movement as my Dad advised– From the hostel to the lecture hall, from the lecture hall to church for fellowship and back to the hostel. I cooked my meals by myself so there was no need to dine out.
I met the good, bad and ugliest people but as always, I choose the good over the rest. I channeled all my energy on my academics and my grades always showed how hard I studied because I kept topping my class.
I applied for six months internship in an oil and gas firm in Delta State and was called to resume training. It was during my industrial training that I met Jolomi and before long, we became almost inseparable. His brilliance and infectious smile were his unique selling point and I was sold.
Six months later, I went back to the classroom but Jolomi and I kept in touch. He would visit during the weekends and the more time we spent together, the more the bond became stronger.
Done with school and ready to travel back to Lagos, Jolomi requested we see. He picked me up from the park and drove straight to a nice restaurant where to my amazement, he proposed to me.
He suggested I come see his sister who was living with him and also see my future home. When we got to his apartment, his sister was not back and before she could get home, the unexpected happened and that alone ruined the entire day for me.
It took me two months to realise the exact mess I’d gotten myself into. When a test confirmed my fears, I quickly notified Jolomi. I lied to my Dad about school clearance and travelled straight to Delta State.
Jolomi and I decided that the best way to hide the shame from the world was to opt for abortion. We went to a remote hospital where the evil deed was carried out and I travelled back to Lagos some days later.
I was posted to Anambra State for my Youth service. Jolomi and I agreed that once I was done with service, we would head straight for the altar. We kept communicating but at some point, Jolomi stopped calling. Sometimes, when I called its either he does not pick my calls or picks and said he would call back later.
Worried about this new development, I decided to pay him a surprised visit. On getting to his apartment, I met another lady there and she was even pregnant! I later learnt that she took in for Jolomi but instead of taking it off as they agreed, she informed her parents who bundled her to Jolomi’s house. Heartbroken, I travelled back to Awka. I completed my NYSC some months later and got a job in an oil and gas company in Lagos.
I was waiting for my mum after church service one Sunday afternoon when Kunle approached me. I’ve always known Kunle from a distance but we’ve not had the time to say anything to ourselves besides, “hello or hi”.
He told me he heard I was an iron lady having graduated with a First class and we just laughed over it. Gradually, Kunle and I became a pair and when he proposed, I couldn’t say ‘no’. Apart from the fact that one was aging, Kunle is a good man and no right thinking woman would say ‘no’ to him.
Kunle and I got married last year. Just listening to what my parents and so many other people said about me during the wedding reception brought tears to my eyes, not tears of joy though because they had no idea what I’ve done in the past.
Few months after marriage and with no pregnancy or even a miscarriage, I consulted a doctor who told me in plain words that I would never have a child because my womb has been damaged as a result of that abortion.
I could not understand why life decided to treat me in this harsh manner. I’ve heard of ladies who aborted so many pregnancies but they still ended up being the mother of many nations.
Life is indeed very funny. I feel sad seeing children between the ages of 10-15years carrying pregnancies that they don’t even want, pregnancies I would give an arm and a leg to carry right now.
I cannot even bring myself to tell Kunle that we will never have children. I’m just buying time; I know it’s just a matter of time before my in-laws start acting and my parents begin worrying. If only I could turn back the hands of time, I would have acted differently. That singular mistake has ruined my life!