The structures of life are factored in time. Time is a process, a step that is sequential. The social order of life made it necessary and mandatory for one to attain to a certain stage where it becomes necessary to have a befitting companion.
Marriage, globally, is a huge social status with its own responsibility. In most African nations, it is a commitment between a man and a woman. In other climes, especially the global north, marriage is open to same-sex genders and not necessarily meant for the opposite sex, even though the Nigerian society by law, culture and religion prohibit same-sex marriage and punishes offenders with 14 years in prison. Statistically, the ratio of men to women in Nigeria has been averaged at 102:100.
Nigeria’s population figure also indicated that there are more men than women. While these figures appear nearly equal, there is an unusual trend in Nigeria where women of marriageable age and status find it challenging and difficult to have a companion, a mate, or a husband for themselves, even though the men are more in number than the women statistically.
The holy books; the Bible and Koran fully support this noble status. Experts and analysts are worried about this disturbing social trend in Nigeria, especially in the southern part of Nigeria. Where are the “missing” men of marriageable age in Nigeria?
It is widely encouraged that men should have some level of financial stability and be physiologically mature before subscribing to marriage. The African standard of marriage gives the responsibility of taking care of the wife and children to the man, even though this is not the case sometimes.
Men are usually expected to get married from the adult age of 18 years depending on the ethnic group, culture, family pattern and one’s personal decision. Those who are aspiring for a post-secondary level of education do so after they have graduated from their institution of higher learning and are able to secure a job or business venture to meet the financial needs required to be a husband, while others can get married at any time they consider it appropriate.
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In the case of women, it is largely different. They can be chosen for marriage by a man at a point when it becomes “desirable” for them, with age and financial status not considered as a necessary requirement.
Women are essentially discouraged from child and forced marriages as it is the case most times in Nigeria. Women and parents are advised to allow their daughters to attain the age of 18 years and above while equipping them with skills or education before they are given out in marriage to enable them to be economically empowered to support their homes and families.
There are men and women who have met all the supposed requirements above yet they are unable or unwilling to find or get a companion for themselves. The challenging nature of the economy of Nigeria has been blamed for this social deficiency. The financial responsibility that comes with payment of bride price, cultural rites and wedding if necessary, have made it more difficult for the men in some occasions. The modern trend in the society where marriage is considered “not necessary or compulsory” has made certain men and women to remain single or have children from the opposite sex without legally committing to the existence of a union between them.
The generation where the society permits being a “baby mama” and baby daddy” as a status for certain reasons. The high number of divorce cases has also been largely responsible for this imbalance in marriage, with rising cases of single parents through divorce caused by infidelity, promiscuity, domestic violence, incompatibility, lack of finance, and other reasons. Both genders, especially women, find it hard to go into another union after a failed attempt and would rather remain single.
Men are sometimes psychologically scared of commitment over the fear of the unknown and maybe losing their female friends when they are married and equally obligated to stay faithful. The motive for marriage is different for most people. Some consider it for procreation and companionship, for some, to attain social status, for others to escape poverty, political reasons and maybe to fulfill a social requirement. There is a need for the family, religious and ethnic leaders and the government to find sustainable solutions in addressing this social disorder. The family, the smallest unit of socialisation, must imbibe the right values in children and be an example of the ideal marriage.
Schools and religious organisations must take responsibility in teaching children the benefits that accrue from having a good marriage, while the government and ethnic leaders must address the cultural and economic bottlenecks that erode young adults from enjoying the benefit of marriage.
Alikor Victor is development & health economist
