Influencing change in your marriage

Forcing a change in your relationship can feel effective at the moment, but it often creates distance in the long run. Each personality type has its way of pushing for change, sometimes without realising the potential harm it causes.

If you’re choleric, you might lean toward aggression, being authoritative, or using condescending language. You may even feel like intimidation or manipulation are the only ways to get results when things aren’t going your way. While this can create temporary compliance, it often leads your partner to find ways to avoid confrontation, building resentment over time.

As a melancholic, you might use heightened sensitivity, adopting a victim mind-set, or being overly critical to make your points. Unfortunately, this often comes across as nagging, pushing your partner away rather than creating the connection you want.

If you’re phlegmatic, you might avoid conflict by becoming stubborn or emotionally distant as a subtle way of expressing your discontent. However, this can create a passive-aggressive atmosphere, leading to emotional disconnect rather than the change you desire.

For sanguine, trying to create change may mean being extra vocal or drawing attention to your needs through noise or enthusiasm. Yet, this can sometimes feel overwhelming to your partner and may not lead to lasting change.

Instead of forcing change, consider these alternative steps:

1. Observe your partner’s patterns: Understand their behaviour and why they may respond as they do.

2. Build empathy: See the issue from your partner’s perspective to foster a sense of connection.

3. Choose a calm, appropriate time: Timing matters when discussing sensitive issues.

4. Practice patience: Allow space for genuine change rather than seeking quick results.

5. Use a thoughtful approach: A balanced and kind approach can be more impactful over time.