Francis Akin-John, president of the Church Growth International Ministry, recently had an interactive session with Christian Press Association of Nigeria (CPAN) where he discussed issues relating to immorality in the church and how Christians should react to it. Excerpts by SEYI JOHN SALAU:
How can the church help restore to the faith preachers who fall into immorality?
I think the first thing is to understand that nobody is immune when it comes to immorality. The Bible warns us that he who thinks he stands should take heed lest he falls. That said; I think also that it is the responsibility of those who are mature and strong to help the weak and vulnerable believer. But, then from my own little research and findings, many pastors who fall into sexual sins are pastors that have nobody to run to. They have no mentors or no fathers in faith they can confide in. Many of them are just on their own; nobody to call them to order.
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I was told of the case of a pastor we were said to have done wrong and was well known to some fathers of the faith. The fathers of faith called him and asked him to apologise for what he was allegedly done. He did not take that advice, rather he threatened to sue. I think people that have proved they can’t handle the opposite sex should not pastor a church. Women will come with all kinds of challenges but pastors must never take advantage of them. There was a man of God in Ibadan who God used a lot. He fell into sin; a woman seduced him. He was rescued: he was restored, came back to the church and met the same lady and fell again. He never recovered. There was a pastor who lost his wife. The wife was still in the mortuary when he started chasing another woman. I was shocked.
Often time, the church does not teach on sexual education: how can the church refocus its teachings to accommodate teachings on sex and sexuality?
Parents should go back to teaching sex to their children. Pastors should go for training and update themselves on what is going on around the world so they could bring the knowledge to bear on their teachings. If we don’t teach young ones we are destroying their future because they will learn from outside. I had to teach my boys. By the time I approached the subject one of them said he was already aware because he had been taught in school. I said to him the one I teach is the correct one and not the one he learnt in school. My boys have been behaving well because of the teaching. We must teach sex on our pulpits. I have done books on wholesome sex and taught it. In every congregation,, there are several kinds of sexual problems.
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When it comes to sexual violence, women are usually at the receiving end: what steps can be taken to address this societal ill?
A woman should not dress suggestively. When they say a woman looks sexy, it’s not a compliment. They should dress moderately. Women must dress in a dignified way. In the old Oshodi in Lagos when a woman is well dressed, nobody will harass her on the road. Those who harass women do so because such women are scantily dressed. When you work with unbelievers you need to load yourself with the knowledge of the word. I once worked in offices and I know what it means. I worked among ladies and I can tell that it was God who saved me from them. A particular lady would come and frontally offer me sex. I made the mistake of telling them I was a virgin. That increased the pressure on me by one of the women. I later resigned from the place and came into the ministry. A few years after, I went to Oyingbo and stopped by to greet them in the office; this same woman came and testified about my fidelity to my associate who accompanied me on the visit. It is normal for a lady to get advances from men. But then when the advances are becoming too much there is a problem. One of my students who already had three children and was pregnant once told us in the class where we were teaching about sexual pressure that some men still wanted to marry her even in her pregnant condition. They would tell her that they were ready to take care of her and the pregnancy, asking her to do away with her husband. That shows the extent to which some men could be desperate. Christian ladies should pray that men should stop lusting after them. There was the case of Amnon in the Bible who said he loved Tamar his sister. He listened to the advice of a demonic friend and pretended that he was sick. He asked that his sister would serve him food in the room. He used the opportunity to forcefully sleep with her. After the whole thing,, the Bible records that he now hated her more than the love he professed for her. This tells us that most of the time when men desire to sleep with a woman outside marriage it is not because of love but lust.
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The society seems to focus more on men falling into sexual sin; is it that women don’t suffer this same weakness of the flesh?
Women fall into sin. I agree and it’s usually because husbands don’t satisfy them sexually. There is a trend now going on in Lagos. It has been discovered that some of these folks who have kiosks where they sell groceries are sexual predators. They also sleep with women who are sexually starved. When the gap between a man and a woman is too much there is usually a problem. If the man is 50 and the wife is 20 years, it will come to a time that the man will not be able to meet up with the sexual demand of the woman. That is the cause of the woman’s infidelity. If we subject ourselves to the Bible we will face reality. Each partner should believe in the sanctity of marriage. If we believe in the sanctity of marriage we find a solution to our marital problems.
Women who do not love sex are very few. Most girls of today have been exposed to sex before they marry. Husband and wife should discuss sex. In a young marriage,, the couple should meet regularly perhaps three times in the week. If a man does not have sex for three weeks he will be hungry for sex. When pastors travel for three months without their wives they usually run into the problem. The man should not defraud the woman and the woman should not defraud the man. The only time you stay away from from is during your monthly period or prayer and fasting. Even when you are fasting you can still have sex when you break your fast in the evening. Sex beautifies the wife and the husband and removes sickness and diseases. It has to be done with joy and happiness. But, when a man wants sex always without inhibition, that man may be using sexual stimulant which is not too healthy.
The rate of divorce and remarriage in our churches today are increasing, what is your view on this?
This is very controversial. I don’t have an opinion on this apart from what the Bible says. We need to open our eyes before we go into marriage. The day you’re married you’re bond forever with your spouse. The Bible supports once married always married until death. Jesus was teaching in Matthew 19 and he said divorce was not permitted in the beginning. Moses permitted divorce because of the hardness of the hearts of the people. There are some peculiar situations that the couples have to separate for peace to reign; that is not divorce. Marriage is basically a family issue. That is what Genesis 24 says. In marriage, it is the father that hands over the woman to the man. The church should just be referee, directing them to what the Bible says. Marriage is between the man and the woman, and God. So, before you break a marriage you need the permission of God. You can’t succeed in ministry without a good home for those who are married. There was a case of a pastor whose wife packed out of the home for 12 years. I asked him to take a step to visit the family and tell them their daughter had gone for 12 years. The father of the woman said his daughter had gone to marry another person, that in the first place he did not want his daughter to marry the pastor. In that case,, the man is free to go and re-marry.
