Sweaty wigs, Senate fireworks, Ningi and his spear

There are weeks when the Nigerian Senate behaves like a legislative chamber.
Then there are weeks when it becomes something closer to a travelling theatre troupe that forgot its script, lost its props, and decided to improvise anyway.
Last week was one of those weeks.
It began, as these things often do, with Orji Uzor Kalu quietly reminding everyone that oversight hearings are not meant to be boring.

On Tuesday, the South East Development Commission (SEDC) was on the grill, and the Managing Director, Mark Okoye, was expected to account for N16.6 billion in budgetary allocations and expenditures that seemed to generate more questions the more they were answered or avoided.
But the real headline was not the figures.
Instead of the usual clerk administering oaths with bureaucratic predictability, the committee produced a lawyer. Not the polished, silk-voiced type. No.
This one arrived like he had been summoned mid-bath.
From a reporter’s first-hand observation, the lawyer was visibly dishevelled, his robe rumpled, wig barely anchored, and sweating as though the Senate air conditioning had personally offended him.
And if appearance were the only issue, perhaps, the committee members would have shown mercy.
But then came the oath.
And the mistakes.
The administration of the oath, normally a mechanical formality, became so poorly delivered that observers questioned whether the ritual was being performed from memory, guesswork, or divine improvisation.
In most committees, oaths are administered by the clerk. But here, procedure took a backseat to creativity.
And just like that, seriousness quietly exited the room.
Thankfully, the committee chairman and members meant business and quickly restored order, turning the atmosphere tense as the hearing proceeded.
Oshiomhole vs “The System”

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On Wednesday, another drama unfolded when Adams Oshiomhole, never one to wrap words in diplomatic tissue paper, detonated his own segment of the week during the Public Accounts Committee hearing on the Nigerian National Petroleum Company Limited (NNPCL) and the controversial N210 trillion audit queries.
His comments, widely reported, were sharp enough to trigger institutional distancing almost immediately.
His outburst followed claims by Umar Ajiya, former NNPCL Chief Financial Officer.
Ajiya alleged that some officials within the Senate were lobbying for the employment of their children in the organisation amid ongoing investigations into alleged financial irregularities running into trillions of naira.
Ajiya, the representative of the NNPCL, in a moment of frustration, accused some senators of seeking jobs for their children.
Reacting angrily, Oshiomhole dismissed the remarks and accused the company of lacking credibility.
“I heard you saying that people want their children to be employed in NNPC, that is because it is a house of thieves and they want their children to benefit from it,” he said.
“NNPC has no reputation, your reputation is for fraud. How can you sit down here and say people want their children employed in NNPC? So you think we are joking here?”
Eventually, after the heated exchanges, the committee issued a warrant of arrest against Mele Kyari, the former Group Chief Executive Officer of NNPCL.
Just when many thought that was the end of the matter, another drama erupted in the chamber.
The Senate leadership moved swiftly to distance the institution from both the warrant and Oshiomhole’s remarks. What followed looked very much like an attempted political ambush.
However, the former Edo State governor quickly defended himself and cleverly drew the leadership into his defence, arguing that he spoke out in protection of the Senate because the NNPCL representative had insulted the institution.
His spirited defence earned applause from some senators, who raised their hands in approval and admiration of his boldness.
Irrespective of Oshiomhole’s defence, the Senate later adopted a motion formally disowning statements attributed to him describing the NNPCL in extremely harsh terms.

The N210 trillion Echo Chamber

In the background of the Oshiomhole storm was the now-famous audit controversy surrounding NNPCL figures reportedly discussed during the hearing.
Oshiomhole’s justification leaned heavily on audit claims and allegations circulating within committee discussions, figures so large they begin to sound more like national mythology than accounting entries.
But here is the Senate’s real talent: it can debate trillions with a straight face and then nearly collapse over semantics when the adjectives become too sharp.

The Fire Incident

As if the Public Accounts Committee drama was not enough for one day, a fire outbreak occurred within the National Assembly complex during a hearing of the Senate Committee on the Niger Delta Development Commission.
The fire reportedly originated from the kitchenette of the committee hearing room after a microwave in use malfunctioned.
Nothing major enough to halt proceedings permanently, but sufficient to remind everyone that even institutions have their own way of saying, “We are also overwhelmed.”
And so, while senators debated accountability, the building briefly demonstrated what uncontrolled escalation actually looks like.

Ningi and His Spear

Then came Abdul Ningi, representing Bauchi Central.
He sparked another round of drama on Wednesday after entering the chamber wearing traditional attire associated with the Bachama Kingdom.
Ningi’s regalia included a ceremonial neckpiece and a walking staff that many lawmakers described as a spear.
Godswill Akpabio, the Senate President, used light-hearted humour to defuse tension while cautioning nearby lawmakers to keep their distance.
“Before I talk on this matter, I just want to say that the thing on his neck looks like a snake. And you people said he has a dagger. It is not a dagger, it is a spear. And a spear is even more dangerous. So please, distinguished senators, be careful and don’t go near Senator Ningi,” Akpabio said.
When the Sergeant-at-Arms moved to intervene, Ningi refused to surrender the staff, insisting that it was a sacred traditional symbol tied to his newly conferred title.
“There is no way this instrument will be given to the sergeant-at-arms. I will take it away myself. So leave me. I will take it away. You don’t know the importance of this and what it means. So go back. I will take it away myself.
“This regalia is not in any way meant to threaten anybody. This regalia is our tradition. I am now the Pampamo, which means the spokesperson of the Adamawa, of the Bachama Kingdom. And therefore, on their behalf, I see it as an honour,” Ningi said.
“Like many people thought, maybe this is a joke. This is not a joke. This is Africa. This is Nigeria. And I’ve been in this National Assembly for close to 19 years. I cannot, on my own, violate the regulation of this chamber. As a sitting senator, I don’t think anybody will think I’m coming to harm anybody,” he added.
Ningi further explained, “I brought the spear for a photograph, and I did it with you, I did it with the leadership. It was not meant to harm anybody. This is a stainless instrument; it’s just a stick and a decoration for tradition. It’s an empty thing.
“The whip should have come and found out whether what I am carrying is harmful or not, but alas, that’s typical of him; he didn’t verify, nobody questioned it.”
Responding, Akpabio noted that while the Senate respects cultural heritage, such items should be properly introduced through formal legislative channels.
“If you had taken the things outside and then, as you did under Order 42, a personal explanation. If you bring it in and now present it to us, it would have been wonderful, but outside that, I don’t think it’s an issue for us to debate,” he said.
As Ningi complied and walked out to drop the controversial items, Akpabio jokingly added:
“Senator Abaribe, be very careful so that your body does not touch that instrument.
“Thank you for being a gentleman. And even the one on your neck that looks like a snake, don’t come back with it.”
The past week at the Senate was nothing short of eventful.
So what do we call it? Not a scandal. Not quite chaos. Something more Nigerian. Perhaps, simply; The Senate House of Commotion.