The double bind of being superwoman

Many women find themselves walking a tightrope between career aspirations and family responsibilities. This balancing act, often referred to as “work-life balance,” has become a crucial aspect of modern life, yet it remains elusive for many. As women strive to excel in their lives, they face a unique set of challenges that can be both overwhelming and enlightening. The concept of work-life balance is not new, but the conversation around it has gained momentum, especially as more women have entered the workforce. Historically, women were often expected to prioritize home and family over career ambitions. However, the narrative has shifted, and many women now pursue professional success while managing domestic responsibilities. This dual pursuit is empowering but also challenging.

One of the most significant challenges is the “double bind” many women experience – feeling pressure to excel in both their careers and roles at home. On one hand, there is the expectation to be a dedicated, ambitious professional. On the other, there is the societal pressure to be a nurturing caregiver and homemaker. The intersection of these expectations can create a sense of conflict and guilt, as women may feel they are not fully meeting the demands of either role. The idea that women can “have it all” – a successful career, a fulfilling family life, and personal happiness – has been a popular yet contentious notion. While it is possible to achieve a degree of balance, the reality is that sacrifices and compromises are often necessary. The myth of having it all can set unrealistic expectations, leading to feelings of inadequacy when women struggle to meet these standards.

The reality is that balancing work and family requires constant juggling and prioritization. There are times when work may take precedence. At other times, family needs may come first. The key is recognizing that balance is not a static state but a dynamic and ever-changing process. Despite progress, gender bias and discrimination remain prevalent. Women may encounter stereotypes that question their competence or commitment, particularly if they have children. These biases can lead to fewer opportunities for advancement and recognition, making it harder for women to reach leadership positions. Jobs that require long hours, frequent travel, or high levels of stress can be particularly challenging for women who are also managing family responsibilities.

When women choose career over family or work to balance between the two, they are described as “too masculine.” It refers to the perception that they exhibit traits, behaviors, or characteristics that are rooted in societal and cultural norms associated with men. Traditionally, masculinity has been associated with traits such as assertiveness, competitiveness, independence, and emotional restraint. Femininity, on the other hand, is often linked to qualities like empathy, nurturance, sensitivity, and cooperation. These associations generally reflect a binary way of thinking about gender. For example, women:

• Displaying assertiveness, taking on leadership roles, prioritizing career ambitions, or expressing themselves in ways that do not align with conventional ideas of femininity.
• Being negatively viewed, criticized, and judged when displaying traits such as ambition or decisiveness, seen as aggressive rather than assertive, cold rather than professional, or intimidating.
• Experiencing internal conflict as they navigate their identity and societal expectations leading to stress or a sense of not being authentic to who they are.

Men and women carry both feminine and masculine traits and each should embrace both. While there is no one-size-fits-all solution, there are several strategies that can help you manage your dual role:

• Determine what matters most in your professional and personal life. Regularly reassess your priorities and adjust accordingly.
• Set clear boundaries between work and personal time, like, setting specific work hours or designating time for family activities.
• Take care of your physical and mental well-being. Make time for activities that rejuvenate you.
• Do not hesitate to ask for help, whether it is from a partner, family member, or professional network.
• Accept that you cannot do everything perfectly.
• There will be days when work or family demands more of your attention.
• Allow yourself grace and flexibility.

Achieving work-life balance is a personal journey. However, employers, policymakers, and society have a role to play in creating an environment where women can thrive by advocating for equitable policies, challenging gender stereotypes, and fostering a culture of support and understanding. Success should not be a one-size-fits-all concept but rather a personal definition that aligns with your values, aspirations, and circumstances. I encourage you to question societal expectations and carve your own path, whether that means pursuing a demanding career, focusing on family, or finding a balance between the two.

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” Eleanor Roosevelt