One of the things that can define your life is what you say to yourself, what you believe about people’s opinion of you and who you compare yourself with. Let me tell you about Linda.
Linda was a girl who grew up in a dysfunctional home. She never witnessed intimacy between her parents, worse still, her father would always accuse her of being an unnecessary addition to their family because she was the 5th female child, after all, his attempt to get a male child. While her mother regrets giving birth to her because she came with so much pain and created a stigma for her. With all of these toxic circumstances, she grew up hearing words like mistake, useless, idiot, good for nothing, not special and fat.
These words affected Linda for the whole 27 years of her life. She kept looking to men for validation. Her friends looked down on her because she didn’t look classy. The words she repeated to herself were a reflection of all she had heard from people. This made her struggle a lot with her identity, career and her marriage.
Can you relate with Linda? Did you grow up being compared to others? Did your parents wished you were not born? Did you experience criticism because of a weakness that you had? Were you affected by environmental influence? What is your stigma experience?
Every person out there have grown up with one weakness or the other, worse still, labels given by those they love. Your story can change. You can begin by admitting that people have called you names because they thought they had more power over your life.
It is time for you to embrace your journey and learn from your experiences instead. Maybe your parents didn’t know better or people just projected their fears on you. Regardless of that, you are way more than what anyone has said. Nothing in this world can ever be compared to you or should ever define you. Your parents may not have validated you but you are precious in the eyes of God. You may not have heard words like beautiful, classy and sweet but you can ascribe such labels to yourself. Do not let anyone drop their own fears, baggage and limitations on you. Nobody should define you.
If you do not pay attention to your thoughts, it will affect your choice of a partner because you may simply fall for someone who has love-bombing tendencies only to change in marriage. If you are married and you struggle with labels from your spouse, that can be more tasking for you but I want to remind you that your spouse’s opinion of you should not define you, instead it should propel you to become better.
Read also: Stop the comparison, retain your joy
I want you to practice this meditation exercise as soon as you can. Sit down calmly in a quiet place, hold a journal and pen and play a soothing music.
· What was your experience like while growing up? Write them down in words. For example, stressful, frustrating, painful, rejection or anxiety.
· What kind of woman do you want to become? For example, powerful, classy or intelligent.
· What is stopping you from achieving that? The words of people? The words you say to yourself? Lack of exposure? Limited knowledge? Lack of the right skills?
· What will you do differently if you knew that your life could change if you took positive actions? Maybe you can start seeking for opportunities to learn and associate with the right people?
· What can you do now that can shift you towards that goal? For instance, read a book, watch inspiring videos on YouTube or join an online tribe for aspiring young women.
· What words would you begin to say to yourself? Write as many as you can, at least 15 positive words.
· Who are the women that remind you of these words? Search for women, ask people to inspire you also and write down their names. Follow them if you can because proximity to greatness can propel your life.
· Who can you reach out to for mentorship or coaching? Do you know that investing in a coaching session can transform your life?
· Create some time and also write positive confessions and affirmation for yourself and declare it daily.
· Change your friends if your current relationship reminds you of your pain.
· Seek a counseling session if your spouse’s actions worsen your self-image. You will need to learn to unburden and change your rules of engagement.
What can you start with now? go on and try it immediately because you deserve more and your life will transform as you engage the truth that can set you free. When you discover who you truly are, it will change how you respond to issues in your marriage. You will become more courageous your dreams, engage intelligently and set the boundaries that you need.
Cheers to a new you.
Join BusinessDay whatsapp Channel, to stay up to date
Open In Whatsapp
