If your spouse or partner has abdominal cramping around or beyond the time of her period, you need to realise that she is in no way just being oversensitive.
Having a partner who suffers from severe abdominal pain on several days every month often affects intimacy and your life together as husband and wife in general. It is not an easy situation to deal with by any measure, however, effective relief is often available.
Severe abdominal pain and cramping can force you to make changes in everyday life. This is a challenge with women that have endometriosis.
Endometriosis is a medical condition where the kind of tissue that usually lines the womb also grows in other parts of the woman’s body.
These growths are called endometrial implants, and may be small or larger in size. Like the lining of the womb, they build up and are shed every month. But, unlike menstrual blood.
The tissue shed from the endometrial growth has no way of leaving the body, hence resulting in internal bleeding, inflammation that may result in pain, adhesions and bowel problems.
The endometrial implants may grow on a woman’s ovaries and in her Fallopian tubes, which can lead to fertility problems. Endometriosis also causes damage and blockage to the fallopian tube by impeding the journey of the eggs down the fallopian tube to the uterus, hence leading to infertility.
Up to 50 percent of women with endometriosis complain of painful intercourse while at least 75 percent suffer from sexual painful menstrual periods that make normal chores impossible. The reason for the painful intercourse is because deep penetration can put pressure on areas where endometriosis occurs, such as the ligaments attaching the uterus to the pelvis or the lining of the pelvis. Any touch to those areas can be extremely painful.
You may feel this kind of painful intercourse as sharp, stabbing, jabbing or a deep ache. It ranges in intensity from mild to excruciating and you may feel it during intercourse, for up to 24–48 hours after intercourse, or both.
Correct and prompt diagnosis and treatment of endometriosis is vital. It is a significant contributor to the problem of unexplained infertility and chronic pelvic pain, and so it is being given more attention within medical circles.
Unfortunately, endometriosis is often misunderstood and misdiagnosed, leading to delays in treatment sometimes for several years.
The surest way to diagnose endometriosis is by laparoscopy, an operation performed under general anaesthetic, where a small instrument called a laparoscope (a tube like telescope with light in it), is inserted into the abdomen through a cut in the belly button. The goals of endometriosis treatment include pain relief and/or enhancement of fertility.
There is up to 30 percent chance that if you have the problem of infertility you may be diagnosed with endometriosis, which as a result of its genetic nature, is common amongst sisters and even cousins. If you have it, there may be no symptoms, and if there are symptoms, the most common symptoms are pelvic pain and infertility.
Endometriosis can be one of the reasons for infertility in otherwise healthy couples. As a woman with endometriosis you need to explain to your partner the nature of your pain, and how it affects you, physically and emotionally. Talk about your fear of intercourse and fear of intimacy that may lead to intercourse.
If you experience pain during or after sex, you are likely to try to avoid sex altogether and often feel bad about doing so. If painful sex is a problem, trying out different positions or techniques might improve things.
It is better to be open and honest so you and your partner can learn which situations create pain. That way you can learn which situations to avoid, so you can both have pleasurable and satisfying intimacy together.
For the man, it is easy to feel a little rejected or dissatisfied, particularly if you do not understand why your partner does not want to have sex. Knowing that sex is painful for your partner could definitely make you feel guilty or uncomfortable, but not being able to get pregnant often adds to the burden.
If you experience pain during intercourse, it is important to tell your partner. Trying to conceal the pain will usually result in you unconsciously withdrawing, which may be perceived as rejection.
You and your partner need to talk about such things. Once you have discussed and resolved some of these issues, you will have the foundation for moving on and finding ways of resolving the problem.
However, even with the most sensitive experimentation, some women will not be able to experience total pain-free intercourse because of their endometriosis. If this is the case, you need to seek a more permanent solution and treatment.
You may need to see a sex therapist as a couple. Some women are able to enjoy intercourse if it is shallow, or if slow and gentle penetration is used. You may like to try experimenting with foreplay and artificial lubricants. Some women are able to have pleasurable intercourse if there is plenty of foreplay to stimulate the natural lubricants in the vagina or if a special lubricant is used.
It may be appropriate to try experimenting with the timing of intercourse. You may find intercourse is pleasurable at certain times of the month, such as in the week after ovulating or in the two-week period after having your period. If you can identify the times when intercourse is pain-free, you can make that time of the month a special time to enjoy intimacy together.
While some women experience unbearable pains with any form of intercourse, others experience it only with deep penetration. If you feel pain only at certain times of the month, such as around the time of your period, it is not unusual even though there are women who may feel it throughout the month.
Dealing with painful intercourse can be a difficult and emotional task. It needs open and honest communication between you and your partner. It also needs both of you to be patient and understanding towards each other. In particular, you need to develop an awareness of each other’s predicament and feelings. Without these efforts, dealing with the problem can quickly degenerate into an emotional battlefield.
Abayomi Ajayi
MD/CEO Nordica Fertility
