How to tell the difference between venting and office gossip

You’re sitting quietly at your desk when Tony walks over and starts criticizing your colleague Sam. It’s awkward, but you nod and smile and throw in the occasional “uh huh,” because that seems like the only thing you can do in the moment. Once Tony leaves, you’re not sure what to do next

Taking your concerns about gossip to the boss is likely to leave your reputation more tarnished than that of the gossiper.

Instead, do something to nip the gossip in the bud.

IDENTIFYING HARMFUL GOSSIP

Don’t jump to the conclusion that every hushed conversation is harmful gossip. It can be legitimate to vent, and it’s perfectly acceptable to support your teammate in those situations. What’s important is knowing the difference between providing support and enabling gossip.

There is one key sign that you’re on the receiving end of gossip rather than harmless venting. Let’s use the Tony and Sam example to illustrate the point. If Tony focuses on what actually happened, that’s OK. But if he starts making assumptions or accusations about Sam’s intent, that’s problematic. If Tony says, “Can you believe Sam cut me off three times?” that’s OK, but if he says, “Can you believe Sam is so rude?” that’s stepping over the line. By tolerating negative comments about a teammate, you’re providing an audience for destructive behavior and helping to create factions in the office.

HOW TO RESPOND TO GOSSIP

How you should respond to gossip depends on whether you believe the person has a legitimate concern. If you believe there is some truth to the comments your teammate is making, try to get the concerns aired in a forum where they can be addressed constructively. Encourage your teammate to raise the issues directly with the person in question.

If you don’t believe your colleague’s criticisms are legitimate, don’t take the easy way out. You have a responsibility to say something. Be sure not to chastise him, because he’ll just assume you’re “not on his side.” Instead, redirect the conversation to provide genuine support.

One technique is to take the third party out of the conversation and focus on how the person you’re talking to experienced the situation. It’s fair game to talk about their reaction but not to make assumptions about anyone who isn’t present. Make it clear that you’re happy to talk about the situation and the underlying emotions — just not about people who aren’t there to defend themselves.

Gossiping about a colleague is a sign of a toxic work environment where politics and personalities are getting more attention than the task at hand. It’s OK to give your frustrated teammate a chance to close the door and vent. But don’t let that go on for long before you shift toward a more constructive conversation.