How to handle a colleague who’s a jerk when the boss isn’t around

You know that colleague: the one who acts one way when your boss is in the room but sings a completely different tune when you’re alone. This can be especially frustrating and distracting when your boss is blind to this chameleon-like behavior and gives your colleague praise or even promotions. But there are steps you can take to better manage your reaction and the person.

— RECOGNIZE THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU: Don’t take it personally. When you see the behavior, take a step back and be a spectator to what’s going on. Rarely is this behavior about evil intentions — it’s usually due to a lack of awareness or ineptness in emotional intelligence.

— DON’T PLAY THE GAME BACK: When we see this behavior, it’s tempting to want justice or to get even, especially if the behavior is rewarded. But no matter what you do, don’t fight fire with fire, because all that does is make you look bad, too. Good bosses will not be fooled in the long run.

— KEEP IT CONSTRUCTIVE WITH YOUR COLLEAGUE: Before openly addressing the situation, be honest with yourself: Is your colleague’s behavior simply annoying, or is it affecting you or your team’s ability to contribute and get the job done? If it’s the latter and you decide now is the time to act, approach it as constructively as possible: Give your colleague the benefit of the doubt, and seek to understand while also being clear on what you need.

— CAREFULLY ESCALATE TO THE BOSS, IF NECESSARY: If you don’t see much change and you continue to believe the behavior is affecting your work, proceed with caution when bringing it to the boss. Take time to prepare. Ask yourself: Have I done all I can to solve the problem here? How can I best frame this? What is the best timing and approach? In approaching your boss, be explicit about your intentions, ask questions and seek to clarify. Maintain a calm and neutral tone.

— LEARN FROM YOUR COLLEAGUE AND MAKE IT YOUR OWN: Rather than painting all of your colleague’s behavior as negative, think about the positive skills he’s demonstrating — storytelling, asking great questions, strategic thinking, letting others know his capabilities. It’s possible to emulate these skills without the accompanying arrogance or duplicity. Use the challenge to improve your own performance, rather than wasting energy on punishing someone else’s.