I don’t know if you are like me. I love my mother. We are practically best friends and we would do practically anything for each other, but there were some things my mother did that I said I would never do, especially with my kids.
I said I wouldn’t snap at my kids. I wouldn’t correct out of anger. I would be patient. I had a long list of things I would never do. Guess what? I find myself doing just the things I said I would not do. I can’t for the life of me explain why. I didn’t like those things, so why do I do them?
It gave me cause for concern. You see, I turned out right. My mother must have done something right because we are a close knit family. My parents, siblings and I have practically no secrets but that doesn’t mean there were some things that I wanted to differently. Why then do I end up doing what I don’t want to do? I sound like Apostle Paul right?
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Boom! Found the answer. It’s called genes. You see, those genes are so strong that they have the power to plant their roots firmly in you and make you behave exactly like your parents. The same way you look like your dad, talk like your mum, share certain characteristics with them and exhibit some of their character traits. Secondly, as a child, you are impressionable. You repeat what you see being done around you. So unconsciously, you are picking up habits.
Oh MY! That means I’m done for. I’m going to repeat the same mistakes. That is disheartening. My children are going to do the same thing too! Isn’t there any hope?
Yippee! I have GOOD NEWS FOR YOU. There is actually hope. It is called Retraining. What do I mean? You need to teach yourself new character traits. It means I have to learn patience and self-control. How do I do that? With God’s help and loads of practice. It means you have to learn a new program. Your computer has to be upgraded, it is a lot of work, but it is worth it.
Practically, instead of snapping when I’m angry, I have to pause for a while and ask God for grace to be patient. It means I have to be more deliberate in my actions because I have children who are looking up to me.
Why? If I want to raise an excellent child, I have to be an excellent me, so that my genes are upgraded and she picks the new genes. How is that possible? I don’t know but it works because somehow genes also are fed by repeated actions. Therefore, the making of that great and excellent child starts with you.
SOLA OGUCHE-AGUDAH
