Do you know that your wants are different from your needs?
You may say it’s a no-brainer, but you would be amazed by how many people still struggle to apply this fact correctly in their decision-making.
Here is the thing: what you want can be all about satisfying your immediate cravings, such as pleasure, comfort, happiness, temporary fixes, and so on.
For example, in relationship choices, a lady may say she wants a tall, dark, handsome man who is from her tribe, God-fearing, and so on.
However, if the same lady is asked about the kind of man she needs, she will likely take her time to reflect on specific qualities, such as stability, self-awareness, self-control, faithfulness, integrity, hard work, and diligence.
Now, dear lady, these are value systems, and you cannot expect to ask for what you don’t have. Often, some ladies have high expectations but don’t have a quarter of the values they desire in their choice partners.
Because you don’t possess these values, you can’t attract or keep such men. In no time, these high-value men may also discover that you do not meet their standards.
So if you know you have a very high standard, then you need to build yourself to represent the values you desire in a partner so that when you meet someone with these values, they also see you as a woman of respect and value.
According to the hierarchy of needs, different things appeal to people at different stages of their lives. Some people are after just settling their basic needs like housing and other essentials, while others are seeking fulfillment.
Your desire for luxury will likely increase as you start to make money and gain more influence. Your desires will naturally shift to a higher degree.
In extreme cases, depending on the individual involved, your circle of friends may change to reflect your new lifestyle and ambitions.
We display different versions of ourselves at different stages of our lives. For example, as a teenager, your wants and decisions are influenced by your immediate environment and those you relate with. But as you mature into adulthood, your choices and desires often change, especially when you begin to experience the struggles of adult life.
As you start working and attain a level of independence, you’ll develop a deeper understanding of what it means to be responsible for yourself. This period of self-discovery is crucial because it shapes your expectations and standards in a life partner.
You realise that you’re not ready to suffer or tolerate certain challenges in life that you might have been indifferent to or unaware of when you were younger.
This newfound awareness will surely influence your taste in partners. You will want to draw closer to someone who can support your growth and well-being and align with your evolving goals and values.
Singles, you must pay attention to these dynamics because the person you choose as a life partner significantly impacts your journey and fulfilment in life.
A partner who matches your current stage of development and aspirations can be a source of support, encouragement, and stability. On the other hand, a mismatch in these areas can lead to disagreement and dissatisfaction and hinder your personal growth.
Understanding that your needs, desires, and priorities will evolve as you progress through different stages of life can help you choose a partner who will grow with you, support your aspirations, and contribute positively to your journey.
I hope this helps.
In my book, Get the Ring, I share more insights on healing from childhood trauma, building self-awareness, growing your value, becoming well-positioned and choosing a better partner. Get a copy at: www.nikefolagbade.com/newbooks
