• Thursday, March 28, 2024
businessday logo

BusinessDay

The Nigerian RSVP of the matter

RSVP-dining

So, I recently had an event in my family that required confirmation of our guests in a different manner than we often prosecute. There were access cards for every guest in order for us to manage and properly cater to our guests. Each access card admitted only one person so if you were a couple, you needed two access cards. This was very difficult for some of our Nigerian guests but a breeze for our friends who were foreign nationals. So, the questions began to pop. Can I bring three of my children? No madam, you cannot. The card clearly states that no children were allowed. I often wonder when we go to social events scheduled for late evening why kids were in attendance past their bedtime and then I also ponder what children are doing there.

Some guests tell you they have no one to look after their kids so they had to bring them. No Ma’am, you do not have to attend those social events if you have a family ordeal. Better for you, better for your kid and better for your hosts. In between the can I bring my child problem is the problem of can I come with a friend. No sir, we gave you one access card, you may want to decide who the card admits. Then for the sake of embarrassment, there are those who show up uninvited at the venue and insist that the security men let them in. I have never understood any of these scenarios but the one that most gets my goat is the one that loses all self –respect and becomes a side show when arguing with the battery of security at the entrance. I never go where I am uninvited. I love myself in a way some Nigerians do not.

Now we dwell on the respondez s’il vous plait part of an invite. The RSVP of the matter. This interesting part of an invite requires you to let your hosts know if you are coming or not, to enable them best look after you. But not a lot of Nigerians do. Why am I even telling a small girl at the other end of the line whether I a coming or not? She expects me to call to say I am coming or not? Na wa for Christabel oh! I am too busy. Or more importantly the demographic who do not even consider that it should be addressed at all. Ignore it all this Oyibo business. Not true. It is beyond an Oyibo business, it enables your host know how many mouths he/she will feed and plan for a little extra. But the most irritating part of RSVP among us are those who yell and kick and demand an access card for a spouse who eventually do not turn up. Not only have you wasted a chair but have prevented organisers from inviting a batch of acquaintances they would have included on the list.

So, there is now a vacant chair and a very angry acquaintance who could have gotten on the list. Nobody cares to inform you. They fight you tooth and nail and, in the end, then the guest they solicited for fails to come. Then there is the Mr and Mrs card with two access cards and either Mr or the Mrs in a couple’s card fail to show up. You are only told when one half arrives at the venue. People think they are being cute and friendly when they tell you, Oh, sorry Oh, Oga could not come, he travelled. By the way, when you both got the card, you knew Oga was not going to be around and kept it to yourselves. So, you have twenty plates of food wasted because the couple you thought were a couple is now a single person who can only eat one plate of food. But beyond the food is the psychology of thinking you are going to have 250 guests, plan around them and then only 180 guests show up.

As your guest list begins to grow past your designated number, you encounter family and friends who begin to mount the pressure. My friends, my wife’s cousin’s relation, my boss’s friend, my drinking mate and then the list begins to grow. Rather than plan appropriately or assist you to plan, you begin to hear things like, don’t worry God will provide. As it is always with Nigerians, we become emotional and resort to emotional blackmail and all sorts of things.

Related News

But note must be made of how communal we are and how we all wish the celebrant well. I am not oblivious to those who genuinely wish you well and want to be part of your joy. But most importantly, one must plan to have an organised event or you plan to fail. It is often out of the host’s hands when guests overwhelm them and food or water is short and more embarrassingly when there are not enough seats to accommodate guests.

We however oblige embassies and international organizations ran by expatriates when they demand that we RSVP. As for the Nigerian host, he does not stand a chance. What is RSVP? A beg, let’s go jar. Shebi na him wan trow party? One day believe me; we will be better at this RSVP thing. Did I hear someone say, Naija is different? Just open your doors and let everyone in. God will always provide. Need I say more?

I am also not unmindful that back home in our various communities, RSVP does not exist. We simply let our community celebrate with us. But here in the cities, you find total strangers at your event if there is no control and they are the loudest, most disruptive and most obnoxious.

I wish to thank all those who came to share in our joy and deeply apologise to our friends and family who due to logistic challenges we could not reach. Our joy is full and we are thankful to God. May we have many more reasons to celebrate going forward. We thank you all for your kindness and your prayers.