Breast fondling and pornography on the internet

This week, in the face of momentous happenings in Nigeria, including the release of the kidnapped victims and teachers and pupils in Oyo State, I wish to let us talk about a very disturbing trend.

I promise that I will return to the release of the kidnapped victims in the coming weeks. I’m not just a student of history but am a student of gender, especially women in development. My MA (Master of Arts) was on Women in Communication and Women in Development. I have spent a long time studying how the world and, particularly, gender advocates thought to give women the rights that they now enjoy: the right to vote and the right to be independent, among several other rights. Then came the era of feminism, severely misunderstood and abused. In its ordinary meaning, it is about women having a voice, making their own decisions and taking care of themselves. Over the years, women and gender advocates have fought against sexism, sexual discrimination and abuse.

In the media space, women have fought the dominant ideology where only men know how to do things; men are reporters, men are anchors, and women are left to only cover cooking and fashion. What played out in the past in the media is that women were viewed as just pretty faces rather than people with brains. In advertising, media activists are still fighting the commercialisation of women to sell cars, paints, etc.

Statistics show that very few women are in the top echelon of the media, and over 70% of coverage in the Nigerian media involves mostly men.

Women are still fighting to shatter the glass ceiling in the media, for coverage, for decent representation, for decent representation in drama and across the board. Within Nollywood, the fight has been that women should be given executive positions like producers and directors. That should also be cast in movies as CEOs and decent human beings rather than prostitutes or husband snatchers.

In the traditional media, there are very few women in executive positions: DGs, MDs, executive directors, etc. The men far outnumber the women. The fight is still on.

We have also gone through the era of the #MeToo movement across the world, where getting a job or a role if you are a woman is dependent on sexual favours in some instances, and the fight is still on.

It is against this background that a new and disturbing trend is emerging online, where women, girlfriends and partners (some of them wives of the perpetrators) allow themselves to be fondled fully clothed in order to get social media numbers or likes. They sit in front of the television, and their husbands or boyfriends are fondling them for the entertainment of others, all captured on camera.

It is a misnomer to call the men perpetrators because, without the permission of their wives or girlfriends, this cannot happen. It is difficult to retrieve what you give freely. You cannot blame another man for his wild imaginations about you as a result of what your husband did with you online. It may be wrong, but you cannot blame him.

Seeking internet validation using your body is pornography, whether the person is your husband or not. You think it is content, but the viewer may think differently.

I’m deeply ashamed. Our generation and many generations before us fought for this not to happen to us. What you are saying is that it is normal for a woman to be fondled publicly, and you give ideas to rapists and horrible people who are looking to abuse our female children. You normalise pornography. You giggle at the sentence; this is what the doctor ordered.

You reduce the esteem of womanhood. What do you want your children to say tomorrow?

The internet never forgets. When your children begin to commit sexual atrocities following your examples, it is not home trouble; you set the stage for them.

Be careful. Be careful what you sow; please don’t come shouting sexual harassment tomorrow.

It is in your interest to desist today.